Masthead

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Third Time's a Charm

This has been quite a week. I've laughed. I've cried. I've exercised harder than I have in months. I've felt pride. I've felt total exasperation. I've been bathed in unconditional love.

All because of the the menagerie staying at my house.

My parents have been on vacation and I'm keeping their animals - Jody, the 14-year old dog who is the smartest on the planet, and Ashes and Cinder, the 3-year old cats who, combined, have cashed in three quarters of their nine lives. Their newest addition Jack, the puppy, stayed with another friend of theirs because that little bugger is a chewer and needs more space than my 1,000 sqft home can provide.

Dot likes to have visitors, but it throws her off of her routine, which, in a way, led to her ending up at the vet hospital. Because I've found it's always best to throw some drama into a crazy week.

Drama? Did I say drama?

So I got out of the shower the other morning and am standing in front of the bathroom mirror finishing my toilette. It's at this point that I need to let you know that I am blind as a bat without my contacts or glasses. Seriously, blind.

As I'm brushing my teeth, sans contacts or glasses, I "see" in the mirror - the mirror that reflects what's going on in my guest bedroom because I had that door open - one of the cats sitting on the bed. And I see the other cat sitting outside in the yard.

It took a minute for that to register.

OHMYGOSH ONE OF THE CATS GOT OUT AND IS LAYING IN THE BACK YARD!

I immediately panic, as I'm wont to do. Mainly because images of Ashes trudging through 6' snow drifts in Breckenridge, Colorado FOR 8 MONTHS immediately ran through my mind. I think I've told you before about Ashes managing to get out when the folks were in Colorado. They searched and searched and searched for that guy. One of the biggest snow-fall winters on record came and went. They lost hope. But I'll be darned if, through a series of comical events, they found that dude almost eight months later. He'd been living in the dump all winter. That's when Ashes became Trashes. Miracle.

So I'm standing in the bathroom naked, mouth full of toothpaste frantically looking for my glasses, which of course I cant' find. All the time I'm talking out loud trying to figure out what happened. "Did he run past me when I came in with the dogs this morning?" "Did he squeeze through an open window somewhere?" "How long has he been out there?"

Blind as a bat, I grabbed the first thing I could find to put on - my nightgown that is strapless and too big, so I'm constantly having to keep my girls in place, if you know what I mean. I didn't even think about it. I just threw it on, barely spit the toothpaste out of my mouth and, with my girls coming out of my gown, ran barefooted outside, around back, just hoping that little beast would not bolt when I tried to get him.

With my nightgown falling down around me, I quietly approach the black blob I barely make out to be the cat, and I was relieved when he let me bend down and pick him up. Ahhh, such relief. I was flooded with sweet, sweet relief. Because Ashes and Cinder look so much alike, one of the few things that sets them apart is the color of the tip of their nose. I had "white nose" kitty, which is Ashes/Trashes. I was really thanking the universe that I didn't manage to let him loose on nature a second time in his life.

I get in, drop the little guy down, and feeling quite pumped and proud of myself continue my morning routine. At some point, maybe 20 minutes later, I make my way from my bedroom to the kitchen, pour my first cup of coffee, grab the paper and go sit at the kitchen table for a few minutes of reading before heading to work. By now my contacts are in and the world is clear around me.

Until I finally look over into the living room and have to blink twice. Because I see three cats laying just as serenely as can be on the couch.

THREE CATS!

A feeling washes over me that I can't really describe. Disbelief. Confusion. Anxiety. Stupidity. Dread. I figured out pretty quickly that there was a stranger in our midst. And I had called him kitty, picked him up in my arms and brought him in to join the party. And there he was, just has happy as a clam, sitting on the couch with the other two blighters, who were looking a little bit smug, I must say.

I mean, shouldn't my animals have fussed or mewed or barked or somehow found a way to say, "Hey! Heads up! Strange cat in the house!"? Oh no, they just shrugged and went on with their licking and lounging. I guess they are used to strays being added to the mix.

When I went over to the couch, all three cats just looked up at me sweet as you could please. I cannot adequately describe how closely they all resembled each other, but I could tell which one was the interloper now that my sight had been restored. And as easy as I brought him in, I carried him out. Feeling like a true idiot.

I PROMISE YOU, Ashes and Cinder have been smugly laughing at me and making fun of me behind my back ever since. Each morning since then, the missing triplet cat will lay outside the bedroom, while Ashes and Cinder look longingly out at him. Then they will all look at me and have a little chuckle amongst themselves.

I regret not taking a a picture when they were all on the couch. But I didn't have my wits about me and I was agitated, so regretably I didn't think about it. But to prove I'm dumb - BUT NOT CRAZY - here are a few (bad) pics I took the next day when our friend returned to the backyard.






And this is why I'm a dog person.

And why I'm scheduling my Lasik eye surgery.

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4 Comments:

  • At 8/26/2007 , Blogger Amelia said...

    This is absolutely the funniest thing I have heard in ages. Being such a cat lover (plus being blind as a bat without my glasses) I can relate to this adventure.

     
  • At 8/28/2007 , Blogger Emig Family said...

    I suspect Mystery Cat knew what he was doing all along. And he's probably chuckling a wee bit louder than Ashes and Cinder.

     
  • At 8/29/2007 , Anonymous Traci said...

    Lori,
    I'm gonna get in trouble with my bossman one of these days for laughing and crying so hard, yet silently at my desk when I read your adventures. This is a real gem! and thank goodness he didn't call me for something!
    HAHAHA

     
  • At 9/04/2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Lori,
    I haven't laughed so hard in a long time...had to "take a break" from reading this 'cause I was laughing so hard I was crying!!!! Girl..you should write a newspaper column or a book.
    Retha

     

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