Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Because You Asked So Nicely...

So I was driving home from work yesterday on I-44. I was in the middle lane, as is my usual lane of choice. I merged into the left lane to pass a slower car in front of me and increased my speed to pass, driving about 70 mph, which is definitely fast enough to warrant being in the left lane given the time of day and amount of traffic that was on the road.

I look in my rear-view mirror to watch a truck that had been a good 40 yards behind me ZOOM up and ride my bumper. He had one of those "MOVE OVER" stickers on his window. I became so instantly upset that I just lost my composure and slowed down. I realize this isn't something one should do when a jackass with road rage issues is on your back, but I slowed down until the car I was trying to pass drove past me and I merged back into the middle lane.

Mr. Move Over zoomed by, shaking his fist at me the whole time, and proceeded to speed up to intimidate the next driver in front of him. Because I had dared drive 70 mph in the left lane and not move over when he roared up behind me with his sticker demanding that I get out of the way, I was put in a dangerous situation. What if that jerk came roaring up behind a little old person who might have freaked out when they saw that "move over" sticker and hurled themselves into oncoming traffic to get out of the way?

Are those stickers even legal? Are they going to start some annoying trend of other message stickers for the front windshields that cars in front can read in their rear view mirror? Like "My Kid is an Honor Roll Student at Classen Elementary" or "Visualize Whirled Peas" or "My Other Car is a Bass Boat"?

I hope that Move Over bastard's truck blew up while he was inside after he had clutched his side from the excruciating pain caused when his appendix ruptured at just the moment he had hung up with his wife who had called to inform him that she had cleared out their bank account of all the money they had just won in the lottery and was en route to Mexico with her new lover who was way better than him in bed!

Yeah, I think that punishment totally fits the crime of road rudeness.



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