Dotopotamus

It All Started with My Love of "Fame"

2011-01-19T22:35:00.000-06:00

So has this video been around the internet a billion times? Have you seen it already? I don't share videos much because I'm so out of sync with them and have no idea if something is fresh and new or yesterday's news.

However, I am a sucker for a dance montage and I really like this one!

Burn Baby Burn

2011-01-18T21:46:00.001-06:00

What do you do when you have huge felled trees?

You cut them up into huge logs!

And why would you do that?

Because you are tired of being cold and you want some heat!

So you do this.

You start with an empty space in your den and you ask Dot if she could move it for a minute.

Then you get started.

You get some instructions.

And with a single click of your barbecue lighter that looks like a shotgun, you get FIRE!

And at long last, you are warm.

The end.

Of outrageous electric bills, that is. Yee haw!

The Greatest American Export

2011-01-17T21:55:00.000-06:00

Randy brings back interesting things when he flies overseas missions. Some of the simplest things fascinate me the most.

Similar...

Yet different...

Hey wait a minute...

I haven't seen these things in a few decades! Didn't these kill fish, or cause mountains of litter in landfills, or something like that?

When I saw this, I admit heaving a sigh of relief knowing that one can order the elixir of the gods in all parts of the world!

The Art of Foraging

2011-01-13T23:47:00.000-06:00

If you saw this growing in the darkness on moss laden ground under a huge fir tree in the deep woods would you think, "Hey...now there's some good eats!"?

Not me. I would think about that awful scene from the book/movie Into the Wild where the guy eats the wrong root and goes crazy and dies a slow, painful death! (Spoiler, much? Even though I just told you how it ends you should read that book. I'm haunted by that book. And the movie, too. Really. It's a true story. I find the guy fascinating.)

Then again, I wasn't raised in the woods and haven't spent the better part of my free time from birth until now learning all there is to know about the forest and its many inhabitants, like Randy has done.

He loves it and every year during the right season he can't wait to go hunting for Chantrelle mushrooms that grow in this part of the world. They are a creepy looking things but are considered a delicacy and they aren't that easy to find in the wild anymore. Randy said that when he was growing up he would pick buckets and buckets full and sell them for spending money, but he has a harder and harder time finding them now because of over harvesting.

Here is this year's yield.

The mighty hunter.

Yum!

The Shadow Knows

2011-01-11T23:59:00.000-06:00

Do you ever get that eerie feeling that you are being followed? Jack told me that he does.

But stalker Dot needs to be careful because she doesn't yet fully understand the universal law that what goes around comes around and her actions may come back to haunt her.

Oh dear....

The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of Defeat

2011-01-11T00:55:00.001-06:00

Well, we were certainly hoping for a different outcome in tonight's National Championship game. We rooted hard for the Ducks but they just couldn't get 'er done.

But how about this interesting little development?

In celebration of the Seahawks amazing victory, Randy now has the best reason to show his TRUE BLUE Seahawk pride this Sunday with this little gift I got for him.

We have touchdown fever!

Get Along Little Doggies

2011-01-06T23:20:00.001-06:00

I visited beautiful Meeker, Colorado recently.

Where I got to visit this little turkey and pilgrim.

And let me just say that if you are headed off to kindergarten and the second grade in beautiful Meeker, Colorado and you have to be at school at 7:30 a.m. you had better give yourself plenty of time because you never know what kind of delay you might encounter. And don't kid yourself into thinking that you have the right-away because in this neck of the woods? You don't!

And let me spare you a hard lesson learned by letting you know that you should never, ever pump your fists in triumph as you make your way through the cow herd and begin to leave those bovines in your dust. Don't do it. Because if you do? The next day the ranching gods will punish you with even longer delays.

With sheep.

Can you spot the black sheep of the family? That guys is trouble.

Thanks goodness for sheep dogs! They help clear the way.

By the way, did you know that you can visit beautiful Meeker, Colorado in September and attend the annual Sheepdog Championship Trials? How cool is that?

But back to the road to school. It's quite a trek! My sister in law says that driving that road is like playing real life Frogger....you're always swerving to avoid some creature, or another.

However, if you can make it through the day without getting side swiped by some big animal you can pick up your little turkey and pilgrim from school and head over to the cute little local historical museum where they are dieing for you to see one thing, and one thing only...

THE TWO-HEADED CALF!

Because it is almost as ~~freaky~~ cool as the Three-Headed Holliday.

Brrrrr

2011-01-05T12:22:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year! We made it to 2011! I must say that I am pretty excited about letting go of the chaos of 2010 in hopes that 2011 will come together in a more serene way. Fingers crossed!

Has it been really cold where you are? It has been uncharacteristically cold here in the Pacific NW since Christmas. Much more snow and ice and below-freezing temperatures than normal. I'm always just a little bit cold these days no matter how many layers of clothing I'm wearing. Still adjusting, I guess. But when the sun shines it is really beautiful.

So I hope your New Year is happy and things go your way. I'm looking forward to getting things off to a good start.

And do you know what would go a long way in making that happen? If the Seahawks could find a way to beat the Saints in this weekend's playoff game! I love, love, love me some New Orleans Saints but what a story it would be - and what fun it would be for these crazy Seattle fans up here - if the Hawks could pull it off!

An OLDIE But a Goodie

2010-12-24T18:00:00.002-06:00

I can't let the season pass without sharing my favorite picture of all time, once again. I still laugh every year when I see it.

Poor Matt. He was a little bit stressed out, to be sure. And I think Santa wanted to kill him. But I had my candy cane and all was good.

Merry Christmas and love to you all.

Roasting on an Open Fire

2010-12-22T23:54:00.001-06:00

Have you ever eaten roasted chestnuts? I never had, but it was cold and I was hungry the other day when I came upon this stand selling roasted chestnuts and roasted ears of corn. Sounded good to me.

When it was my turn to order the older gentleman with a very thick Slavic accent who was working the stand said in his loudest broken English Seinfeld Soup Nazi voice, "YOU LOOK LIKE A CHESTNUT PERSON!".

*blink* *blink*

Uh....okay....

I'm not exactly sure what that meant, but who was I to argue? So I said, "You're right!" and ordered my bag of holiday cheer.

Then the chestnuts promptly burned my fingers off.

The one I'm holding here was so hot I could barely hold on to it. They are slit before roasting so the steam can escape.

You peel the shell off and pop out the chestnut. It is really hot and very soft. The texture of the meat is what you might expect if you boiled a walnut. I had always imaged a roasted chestnut would be crispy, but it's just the opposite. Very, very soft and very sweet. No salt at all. A very unique flavor and quite tasty.

This lead me to wonder what other legendary Christmas treats I might be missing out on. I wonder if I look like a figgy pudding person?

I suspect yes.

Making Merry

2010-12-21T13:08:00.001-06:00

Randy works hard and has to be away from home a lot. Many negatives about that, for sure. But the positive is that when he is home, we try and have fun. Actually, we try and catch up on the ever-growing to-do list around the house, but then we try and have some fun.

When he returned from a mission a couple of weeks ago he was looking really good from working hard loading those planes, and he was ready for some Christmas cheer!

So, we headed out to the Eatonville Christmas Parade.

Thankfully, it was a clear night and not raining...but super cold...in the upper 20s! I had on five layers of clothing and for the first time since I was a child in Montana I had on long johns. Nothing makes a girl feel prettier than rockin' some thermal underwear!

Small town parades are awesome. Lots of people on main street cheering everyone on. Every school, church group, business and organization decorates their car, truck, trailer, flatbed, tractor, ATV, bike, motorcycle, dune buggy or whatever else they have and gets in on the action.

After the parade we ate dinner at the Big Timber Pub and while walking to the car, passed the Pour House Pub, where we noticed there was a little karaoke going on. We may, or may not, have joined the fun...

We had to pack a lot of fun into that weekend because Randy was leaving again for a few weeks, so the next morning we hopped the train and headed...

To a Seahawks game! They played the Carolina Panthers, and thanks to some kind of do-it-or-die half-time threat talk somehow turned it around and won! I do love going to football games. This one was cold...but fun!

It was "Canada Appreciation Day". Lots of kanucks up here, you know, eh? When we went in the club house the Canadian Royal Mountie guys were there and they were being treated like rock starts with everyone wanting to get their pictures with them. It's the awesome red uniforms and memories of Dudley Doright always saving the day. Believe me, had the line to the ladies' not been a mile long, yours truly would have been right there saying cheese with one of those guys.

A happy Christmas elf...Go Hawks! Every single piece of clothing on Randy's body was emblazoned with a Seahawks something or other.

I hope you are finding ways to make this holiday season merry, too. Seasons greetings to you all!

Next up? Dot's most dreaded event of the year...the holiday photo shoot!

Oh Christmas Tree

2010-12-20T03:21:00.000-06:00

Many, many Christmases ago I caved.

I chucked childhood tradition and gave into the ease and convenience of an artificial Christmas tree. It was so easy! So simple! So perfect and lovely! I never looked back.

But Randy has always stayed true to being a real Christmas tree person.

So in the spirit of compromise (that has become the bane of my existence these past three months as we have merged our two households into one and almost every single decision on what stays and what goes requires the SERIOUS negotiation skills!) I agreed to a live Christmas tree.

AND I WILL NEVER GO FAKE AGAIN!

I LOVE our live Christmas tree. I forgot how wonderful it is to walk by and smell that fresh pine smell, and seeing the quirky imperfections make it more fun in my eyes.

But I do have to say that it is so much easier up here in the Pacific NW to get a live tree because they are EVERYWHERE. Washington isn't called the Evergreen State for nothing! The live Christmas trees are so fresh and green because they were basically just cut down the day before you bought yours so they stay healthy and beautiful through the entire season.

But what I noticed immediately after Thanksgiving was that Christmas trees in my part of the world are big business! There are Christmas trees for sale literally everywhere you turn. I still can't believe it. So many more people here buy live trees that I guess supply is simply keeping up with demand.

So...yesterday morning when I opened my eyes I flinched and my retinas almost burned out of my head when I looked out my window. That strange, intense glare...what was it? IT WAS THE SUN! It has, literally, been storming and flooding here for weeks and I haven't seen the sun in many, many, many days. I kind of freaked out a little bit. Like I jumped out of bed and kept shouting oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Randy is off flying so I only had Dot here to get happy with and she was mighty excited, too.

I knew I had to get outside and grab the sun while I could so I thought I'd try and take some pictures and explain this Christmas tree phenomenon. Disclaimer...horrible pictures lay ahead that don't really do my story justice, but honestly friends I was in such a panic not to lose the sun that I was barely focusing the camera before racing to the next place on my beautiful, glorious, SUNNY Saturday morning drive. It is THAT CRAZY here when the sun shines. Sure enough, it was storming by noon, but it was wonderful while it lasted.

But I digress. Back to the point of this story.

I've learned that lots of people up here plant Christmas trees as a retirement business. They will plant their main crop when they are in their 40s and by the time they are in their 60s they start selling trees. Case in point are our neighbors who live about three miles down the road from us. They basically planted Christmas trees in their front yard and now sell them on the weekends during the holidays.

But drive another three miles down this same road and you will see one of many huge, commercial tree farms in this area. This picture taken across the road is not pretty by any means, but I'm trying to give you the scope of this farm. We're talking hundreds and hundreds of trees of every variety.

Christmas tree businesses are so close together that you see signs like this everywhere. Should I turn left or right? Competition is fierce!

I'm serious when I say that you see Christmas tree farms everywhere around here. Here is a brand new farm just getting started down the road from our house about eight miles. It will take about 10-12 years for these trees to reach six feet tall.

The elementary school outside of Eatonville is raising trees. Their crop is a little further along.

Then there are the pre-cut Christmas tree stands that are even more plentiful then the cut-your-own tree farms. Many people just set up the business in their front yards.

Lots of kids and teenagers were working the tree shops in their front yards. Kind of like yuletide lemonade stands. Some worked really hard on their marketing materials.

Others, not so much.

I saw a number of set ups like this one and they were actually my favorites, but I could only get this one lame picture because of the multi-car pile up I was causing behind me while trying to take the shot quickly. Basically, families bring in their trailers and campers and tents and set up a big camp around the trees. They had bonfires going, grills and smokers smelling delicious, lots of great music, some serious eggnog action...basically big old Christmas parties going on while they were selling trees. It looked fun.

Then there are the many, many, many do-good organizations selling trees as fundraisers for their causes. I was thrilled to see that the Eatonville Lions Club only had three more trees to go before a total sell out!

The Lions would also flock your tree for you. I had to snicker. I guess for the kitsch factor, a flocked tree might be kind of fun. In the same vein as me wanting a silver, aluminum tree on our porch someday. Goofy.

Because Randy had to be gone quite a bit this month, we got our tree pretty early, on December 1, and we bought it at Ft. Lewis Army Base. Thanks to Randy, I have become a real supporter of businesses who support our troops so it was a no brainer that this is where we would get our tree. The bummer? I didn't have my camera with me that day. So yesterday I went by there and took this picture and was happy to see that they were almost sold out. They had tons of trees the day we were there.

We got our tree home and commenced with decorating!

And there is no better example of the compromise in the blending of our two homes that I mentioned earlier than our Christmas tree. I was used to decorating my tree in a certain way and Randy was used to decorating his in his way so this year we just decided to put up whatever we wanted. Over time, I know that the lines of "mine" and "his" will blend and become "ours" but right now we are still new at this and we each have our individual tastes and things that we prefer.

So see if you can guess whose ornaments are whose:

Shiny Vintage Santa

Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Cute Cowboy Santa

Darth Vader

Supporting the troops with a festive, ribboned-up C17

Worf

Pretty gold-covered Aspen leaf

Princess Leia

Okay, I kid, but you know what continues to amaze me? Even though our tastes are pretty much polar opposites in so very many areas, it all somehow comes together and works for us.

Next year we want to get a permit from one of the National Forests in our area and go cut a tree from the wild. But as I was driving home yesterday I thought that might be harder than it sounds given that the scale is so much different in the woods around here.

How lovely are your branches, indeed.

Dot and Dash

2010-11-17T01:22:00.000-06:00

Regrets. I have many. It's true.

One big regret is not having taken more pictures of Dot when she was a puppy. Especially when she was a little, bitty brand new puppy. I didn't take a lot of digital pictures then and the few that I did take were lost when an old hard drive crashed. I literally have no pictures of Dot during her first year. It makes me sad because she was such a cute, cute, cute little Dotopotamus. 100% mutt. To this day I change my mind daily when trying to figure out her dominant breed. Sometimes I think schnauzer, sometimes poodle, sometimes dachshund. I suspect a real Heinz 57 blend of everything.

It was December 2003. I was finally ready for my own dog and I was looking hard for her at all of the area animal shelters and pounds around Austin. I wasn't sure what kind of dog I wanted, but I knew that would be revealed in due time.

Christmas that year was rare because all of my family was together at the Last Stop. Matt and Shana were there and Mason was 8 months old. On December 22 we all went together and visited a few different shelters in the small towns around Eastland.

Needless to say, some of these small town shelters are a bit grim. Old, cramped, depressing. Lots of big dogs - basically your pit bull mix. Sad. This was the case when we arrived at the Brownwood shelter, about 40 miles from Eastland.

Unrelated side note, I LOVE BROWNWOOD. Home of Underwoods Barbecue. THE quintessential cafeteria that can instantly transport me back to childhood when I was visiting my grandparents in Eastland and we would drive here to eat ribs and peach cobbler.

So, there I was, alone in the Brownwood shelter trying to convince myself that the sickly, sad looking little white dog with the drippy eyes that I was petting might be my girl when I heard the rest of the family around the corner in a commotion. My brother Matt came jogging back to me and said, "We found her. We found your dog."

Sure enough. I rounded that corner and there was 3-month old, 7-pound Dot in my sister-in-law Shana's arms. Weirdly, I didn't even really spend time with her at that point. I just knew in my heart by looking at her that she my dog and I had to get her adopted right that minute or someone else might beat me to it. So Dad and I hot footed it up front and completed the paper work and paid the $25 adoption fee. When all of that was complete, I came back around and that's when I really held Dot for the first time. She made little baby Mason giggle and I knew that was a good sign.

The thing about Dot that was so funny was her high energy personality. You could tell that she was a little bit wild, with one paw over on the crazy side, but she was so adorable. She didn't look sad or abandoned or concerned about a thing. She just wagged her tale and had that "come on, let's play!" look about her. I took her home that night and the rest, as they say, is history.

That was seven years ago this December.

So where is the regret?

Well, Dot had a brother there in the pound with her. Another 3 month old little dude that looked almost exactly like Dot except he had longer legs, so he was a little bit taller. But super cute and just as playful. However, at that time I knew I wanted a female and it just wasn't in my realm of possibility to get two dogs. Today? Heck yes, I'm a seasoned dog owner who loves the little buggers like crazy and I would have snapped them both up right away. But I couldn't do it then.

So we left "Dash" (that's what I would have named him...Dash) behind and I just crossed my fingers that some other person or family would come along and adopt him. I honestly have wondered over the last seven years what might have become of that little guy.

WELL TODAY I FOUND OUT!

Check out this coupon advertisement I received in the mail today from Pottery Barn!

Can you believe how much this dude looks like Dot? The only difference is he has a longer beard. I keep Dot's face trimmed shorter so she'll look a little bit more like a girl, but this big daddy has a beard and I THINK IT'S DASH!

Well Dash has done alright for himself, hasn't he? Since he left Brownwood with that fancy couple from California, Dash has obviously moved up in the world and now works in the big leagues for Pottery Barn! He poses sweetly on fleece blankets on distressed leather chairs by the fire! I bet he gets a great employee discount, too!

When I saw this, I had to waive it around a little bit and ask Dot WHAT UP? Why couldn't this be you? Why don't you get out there and get a high-profile job? Why aren't you selling fleece blankets and distressed leather chairs? You need to get a j-o-b little mama! You owe me $25!

I figure if Dash can do it, Dot can too.

Ah, well. It's just nice to know that little Dash made good.

And besides. Dot is too preoccupied to work at the moment. She is STILL confused by that strange little hole in the door going to the garage in our new house. She sits and ponders it deeply. She knows it somehow has something to do with her, but she just can't quite figure it out. Which is probably a good thing because should the light bulb ever go on and she actually try to get through that doggy door I highly suspect she would high center and be stuck like a cork in a bottle.

That's my girl!

Today

2010-11-15T22:04:00.000-06:00

What do you do when you get that slightly "blue" feeling?

Job searching is hard. And scary. And intimidating. That's left me a little bit blue feeling today.

Randy is out of town. That's left me a little bit blue feeling today.

It gets dark here now beginning at 3:30. By 4:30 it's completely dark. That's left me a little bit blue feeling today.

It's rainy and cold. That's left me a little bit blue feeling today.

Now don't get me wrong, it's nothing bad, just feeling a little bit blue and a little bit homesick today. To be expected.

So, to keep myself occupied tonight after a long day of job searching I decided to unpack more boxes. We're making progress! And what did I open tonight? Some of the beautiful things that people gave us for our wedding. I will never be able to thank people enough for their kindness. Just seeing those things and thinking of those people has made me feel so much better. Everyone was so nice!

But when I got to our pretty new Riedel wine glasses I realized I was in waaaaaaay over my head.

Friends, the Riedel Wine Glass Company makes BEAUTIFUL wine glasses but I am completely intimidated by them! We have two of them. Two perfect wine glasses. I found myself flicking the rim with my middle finger just to hear their pretty crystal ring. I've never had stemware so nice.

But to keep these two glasses perfect I learned that I need to follow these instructions as outlined on the box:

1. Wash under warm water, detergent is not necessary.
2. Place on linen to dry for the time being.
3. For extra shine, steam over boiling water.
4. To polish use 2 microfiber crystal towels.
5. Hold glass by base and polish. NEVER twist the base and the bowl.
6. Use left hand to cradle the bowl and polish with your right hand.
7. Perfect result.

What?! WOW! Sticking these babies in the dishwasher is apparently out of the question! That's a lot of work! Don't get me wrong. These glasses were on our wish list and I am so honored to have them, but I HAD NO IDEA!

For some reason these detailed instructions struck me as hilarious so I just sat in my kitchen cracking up at the complexities of life. From job searching to learning your way around a new marriage and a new community to dealing with physical changes to taking care of your wine glasses. It's all a process that can sometimes feel really, really big and heavy. But what can you do? This is life and sometimes life is hard. You just have to do your best, follow the rules, make the best decisions you can, and hope for a #7.

Feeling a lot less blue, I filled my beautiful wine glass with milk and had some dinner. And I managed to clean the wine glass just fine, afterwards.

Then Turn Right at the Taxidermy Shop on the Corner

2010-11-15T01:27:00.000-06:00

Well this is a new one for me.

Good to know, given how close we live to Mount St. Helens.

Problem is, in an effort to be fully prepared should she blow, I tried to follow the Eatonville volcano evacuation route for a little ways, but after this particular sign...nothing. No more signs. There's a big arrow on this sign pointing in the direction I'm supposed to go, but after that, what? Which street, twist, turn or general fork in the road past this sign is the right way to flee the steaming ash plumes and molten lava?

I need a more detailed map!

Thank You!

2010-11-11T01:18:00.000-06:00

Happy Veterans Day and a big thank you to all who have served in the military.

You are all real heroes.

And if you are a certain C-17 Loadmaster, you are my very favorite veteran of all. Thanks for what you do.

Who Was That Masked Man?

2010-11-09T23:09:00.000-06:00

Winged cuteness prevailed in the Holliday household this Halloween!

Mason was a beautiful peacock.

Maybe she was inspired by this mask I brought her from New Orleans last year.

Ruby was a flamingo. Just kill me now with those adorable, long striped legs. And the hat!

I think the pink sweater on Ruby was the one she wore in my wedding and I absolutely, positively cannot believe that I DIDN'T THINK OF ADDING THE PINK FEATHERS MYSELF! How much more adorable would that have been?

It is apparent that Ruby takes after her great grandmother and namesake Ruby Jo Lewis.

But how can my girls be so grown up?

Shouldn't they still look more like this?

Or this?

Or this? Another bird!

Or this?

Oh my goodness where has the time gone?

Randy and I couldn't decided what to be for Halloween this year.

Viking?

Banana bowl?

Pirate?

Queen? (Everything's better with Blue Bonnet on it...)

Greek tug boat captain?

Carmen Miranda?

We couldn't decide so we settled on goof balls.

But Dot knew that for the fourth year running she wanted to be La La!

I think that we should wear more costumes. Casual Friday becomes Costume Friday from now on.

Scenes From Home

2010-11-07T19:40:00.000-06:00

I love this little flower stand that is just below our house. This lady grows really beautiful flowers in her rustic, wild garden and then she puts sweet little bouquets together in jars, places them on her stand where there is an envelope to leave money and a note asking you to bring back her jars.

Randy knows how much I love flowers so he has left his money in the envelope a few times. Her dahlias are so beautiful.

The other day I noticed she added some gourds.

I'm hoping this winter she will leave plates of homemade cookies and thermoses of hot chocolate!

But here's the big news.

Randy got home from his mission on Saturday. Yay!

But that's not really the big news.

Saturday night Randy says, "Lori, come here, there's something I want to show you."

And then I fainted.

Randy sets up game cameras in the woods and it's fun to see those pictures to check out what's roaming around out there during the dark hours. So, guess what was roaming around out there last week 80 YARDS FROM MY FRONT DOOR?

Okay, in my OKC neighborhood the occasional stray dog was one thing but this is crazy!

And look at the time stamp...the dude hung around there for hours. Awesome!

Here's the thing... this was when Randy was overseas, so if I had been eaten by this bear during my leisurely nature stroll no one would have heard me or found me for a week. I can't tell you how this has freaked me out because I really like the idea of exploring the woods around our house. I had grand designs on becoming a birder! Now? Not so much. BECAUSE I HAVE BEARS LIVING 80 YARDS FROM ME!

I am telling you, living in the wild woods of Washington is something. If it's not the vampires it's the bears. (Go Team Edward!). But we do have pretty dahlias.

Greetings from Eatonville

2010-11-01T04:34:00.000-05:00

Hello! Can I go ahead and add a P.S. at the beginning of this post instead of the end?

I have finished writing and am about to publish, but I want to offer fair warning. This long, rambling missive basically goes something like this:

1. Whine, whine, whine, poor me, poor me, whine, whine, whine
2. Here are some pictures!

I guess I needed the cathartic experience of writing about everything that's been going on, so thanks for humoring me, but if I were you I'd skip #1 and go straight to #2!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh my gosh, I've missed you!

I cannot tell you how happy I am to be here today.

Because I disappeared for six weeks.

Now I didn't plan on disappearing. I planned on transitioning smoothly into my new home in the Pacific Northwest with excitement, humor and ease, sharing lots of blog posts, pictures, Facebook updates, and emails. This was going to be a lot of fun and I wanted to share my journey with friends and family.

Seriously. That's what I envisioned.

So what happened?

Basically, intention and reality did not sync up AT ALL.

It will take a number of posts to fully explain, but in an effort not to bury the lead any deeper I'll begin by saying that the last six weeks have been the most ________ of my life.

Okay, I've been pondering that sentence for a few minutes and I can't decide on THE word to use. I've considered:

Stressful
Exhausting
Surreal
Terrifying
Disconnected
Emotional
Compressed
Complicated
Fastest

Where are the happy words? Where are the words like Exciting or Adventerous or Amazing or Incredble?

Well, here's the thing. While those might not be the words I'd choose to describe my last six weeks I can say that this weekend I have for the first time finally felt a glimmer, a modicum, a teeny tiny ray of hope that things might...MIGHT...begin to even out soon. Just knowing that things might be evening out (note that I didn't say "back to normal"...I'll just settle for "evening out" at this point) has had a calming effect on me like nothing else has in the last month.

Dramatic, much?

But you know what has made me feel the most encouraged? I FINALLY HAVE THE INTERNET, A LAND LINE, A CELL PHONE THAT WORKS, AND TV! All of these glorious, precious things finally came together for us last week and the fact that I can easily communicate with the outside world again is a wonderful thing. I have stories to share about what life has been like without technology but for now I'll explain by saying that my inability to communicate easily has been because I live 10 miles outside of Eatonville, Washington.

Yes, Eatonville. You should check it out on Google Earth. You will see that it is a teeny tiny town in the woods about 45 miles from Tacoma. AND THAT'S THE THING. I kept telling people I was moving to Tacoma! Of course I knew that our house was out in the country. But I had only seen it once and in my excitement during that short visit it didn't really register with me how very rural we really were. And how long it takes us to get to Tacoma (about an hour). However, I knew that the Air Force base was in Tacoma and that is why we were moving in the first place so I just told people I was moving to Tacoma.

I figured it was like saying "Oklahoma City" instead of "Edmond" or "Austin" instead of "Pflugerville". Everyone has heard of Oklahoma City and Austin. I figured everyone had heard of Tacoma and Seattle so that was the point of reference I used when telling where I was moving, never thinking that there was that much difference between Tacoma and Eatonville.

There is a difference.

Oh but yes, there is a difference.

Let's just say that the harsh reality of how very rural we really are hit me so hard when we arrived here four weeks ago that I had a serious panic attack for the better part of three days. (The first two weeks of my last six week were in Texas - more on that another time. We've been here for a month.)

Living 10 miles outside of Eatonville, in the woods, in a house surrounded by nothing but 100 foot fir trees and country roads has meant no cell phone service, no TV, and no Internet. Pretty much complete isolation from news, information, and contact with family and friends. Off the grid!

But that's just the beginning of it.

For the first two weeks, Randy and I lived in his trailer (oh, the stories) and during that time we were racing against the clock to get our home prepared before our furniture and things arrived fourteen days later.

We don't have a mansion by any means, but we have a 2,100 square foot, two story house, and in two weeks just the two of us had to completely tear out every bit of carpet, prep and paint every single inch of the inside the house, install wood floors in every single room, replace blinds, light fixtures, and doors and get the land directly around our house reswailed because of a drainage problem! (Hey, did you know it rains in the Pacific Northwest?)

What idiotic chumps who have no idea how to even begin to install wood floors or sliding closet doors or paint at lightening speed think they can do all of this in two weeks?

Here! Right here! The chumps are right here and we are the Culvers! It's all HGTV and Home Depot's fault - oh they make it look so affordable and manageable and doable. I have learned that HGTV and Home Depot are for chumps like us!

Anyway, I'll be sharing more about the home improvement projects soon, but here are a few highlight pictures of the action.

Every single thing had to be covered, removed or taped off before the paint gun could be used. The prep work before painting and putting everything back together after painting was much harder than the painting itself.

I don't know how I will be able to convey how hard it was laying the floors. Randy became a master at it, however, while I pretty much cursed and cried my way through the rooms I did.

Having to get the land work done was completely unnerving and not at all what was expected. And hey...nothing like trying to figure out a way to keep your brand new dark wood floors clean when you are now living in a mud pit until spring when you can put in a yard! Because, did you know it rains a lot here?

Dot was a big help, however. She could pull up carpeting like a pro! Oh wait a minute, that is she could SIT on carpeting like a pro.

So somehow we got it all done. We were so tired, sore and beat to a pulp by the time our household goods arrived that I thought we weren't going to make it. But the good times had just begun. We got to unload not just my house full of stuff but Randy's house full of stuff, too! Since we didn't live together before we got married we had never combined our stuff. Wow. Talk about stressful! That's a future Dotopotamus post for sure.

By now it was week three and Randy had to go to work and I had to start the job search process while we were also trying desperately to deal with the mountain of boxes and furniture that were out of control. I had to come off the mountain and out of the woods and figure out how to get to Tacoma and find my way around and all I can say is thank goodness for TomTom. But the hammer came down so hard that week we were just pummeled. Highlights include such things as having to saw down 7, 100' fir trees, finding emergency treatment for Dot, me having to get a tetanus shot, trying to figure out why my mail hadn't been forwarded in some way that didn't involve being able to call or email, having to get my car inspected (long story), and Randy suddenly having to go to Oregon for two days.

But best of all? Finding out we were going to be moving to New Mexico in six months! Yeah, that punch to the gut almost killed me. And then after getting to process and deal with that emotional burden for almost a week finding out "just kidding! You're going to stay here Randy but we're going to give you a really great job in this different squadron and you are going to have to fly a lot now and by the way, your first 10-day mission leaves on Tuesday!"

And through it all, no cell phone service that worked at home, land line, TV or Internet. I would do laundry in Eatonville on Sundays and could sometimes get cell phone service there so would call my mom and dad. They told me that concerned people were calling asking where I was! I am so sorry everyone. If you called my cell or sent me a text, chances are I didn't get it and email has been out of the question until this weekend.

So finally last week when we drew the line, said "enough", and figured out how to get those things. Our new cell phone service still isn't great because it's hard to get service when you live in the middle of the woods, but the land line works well. And after taking down 7, 100' trees we were able to get satellite TV service! And thanks to the phone company in Eatonville finally installing fiber up our way, we can get some Internet. It's slow as Christmas, but it's the Internet!

So that brings us to the present. Randy is somewhere in Africa tonight and will be gone for another week, but Dot and I are here in the middle of nowhere Eatonville, Washington on a mountain in the woods trying to regain some perspective and find my sense of humor that I lost a couple of weeks ago. And because I'm missing my friends and family, my colleagues, my job, and familiarity with my surroundings, I have stopped unpacking boxes and putting things away so that I can reconnect to everyone. I'm afraid to open Facebook for the first time in six weeks for fear it might explode!

I apologize for the length of this missive. I guess it's been cathartic for me so thanks for letting me get it all out. I think the thing that still surprises me the most is how DIFFERENT this experience has been from how I thought it would be. Major life changes are a younger person's game!

In an effort to be more positive, I'll give you a brief tour of my drive to Eatonville. The countryside here is absolutely stunningly gorgeous and I am in awe of its glory every time I set foot outside. Mt. Rainier is just amazing and I get to see her first thing when I leave the house.

Here is the meadow down from our house, the first time I get to see this gorgeous sight.

Then she comes into full view. I can't imagine ever getting used to seeing this.

I turn the corner and I pretend I am driving straight to the top of the mountain.

Then I drive through lots of woods on a hilly, twisty road. It's beautiful.

After about 8 miles, I get to the Eatonville turn. I love this sign. You can see that my little town has food! And fuel! And espresso!

But once I make the turn I have to slow down to 25 mph for the last two miles. Why so slow, Eatonville, why so slow? Sometimes I feel like telling Dot to take the wheel and meet me at the grocery store because I can get out a walk faster than we are driving.

But then Mt. Rainier comes back into view and I know I'm close.

When I get into town I first pass the library, the police station and the post office on the right before getting to main street.

Here's the cute bakery in town with the as advertised espresso.

We have the Roxy movie theater that is open Friday and Saturday nights showing one flick.

This is the restaurant Bruno's but it's the building with the mural that I will always hold near and dear as it has a teeny tiny laundromat in it that I got to know well those first few weeks.

And this is the one stop light in town. It's not even a real stop light. It's just a blinking red light that creates a four-way stop. But you can see the grocery store from here. I LOVE the grocery store. Super small and right out of 1972. A future blog post, for sure.

And by the gas station, I saw this sign. I didn't have time to explore, but my curiosity was definitely piqued!

So hopefully this ends my communication black out and I look forward to catching up with everyone and hearing what's going on with you! I'll be posting frequently now because there is a lot to share.

Even though I've whined and cried my way through this post I have to say that underneath all of the anxiousness and stress, I do feel extremely grateful for the opportunity to live life with Randy. I look forward to exploring this beautiful part of the world, finding a job, making some friends, and making it our home. Hopefully you all will come up for a visit! In the meantime, I just wish I could find in what box I packed my blow dryer.

Moving Day

2010-09-12T17:45:00.001-05:00

This was a big week for me. It was moving week. Saying goodbye to my house, my job, and the city and state I've called home for six years.

And how awesome is this? We haven't received any rain of note in Oklahoma City in months but on moving day? HELLO HURRICANE HERMINE! Yep. It started raining in the wee hours of the morning and didn't let up until that night! I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. I decided to look at it as a good luck omen since I'm moving to the Pacific NW where it rains a lot.

At 7:45 a.m. the movers arrived with a truck that, in all seriousness, could hold the contents of ten houses my size. It was a bit intimidating for my little neighborhood street.

The organized chaos ensued and bit by bit they started moving my stuff out the door.

Don't forget my cowboy hats! A girl can never have enough cowboy hats.

When I ran to get lunch for the movers I got soaked. THANKS HURRICANE HERMINE!

After about nine hours of packing and hauling and loading and arranging...all of my worldly contents were packed up in the giant truck that drove away...and in so doing hopped the curve and busted a low hanging limb off a neighbor's tree...and is now in transit to Washington as we speak.

And then my little house was empty.

Well, almost empty.

And so it is done.

I will miss my wonderful friends who gave me one of the best going away presents thanks to Holly's clever maneuvering. One that bridged my home in Oklahoma with my new home in Washington...an OETA umbrella that everyone signed! Because umbrellas are a big necessity where I'm going. I love it.

And I love that all of my wonderful colleagues signed...even my favorite six-year old colleague Max. He gives me hugs when he sees me and it brightens my day.

Thank you for everything, Oklahoma. We will miss you.

Labor Day - Literally

2010-09-06T21:03:00.000-05:00

things bought

and the money spent

are they really heaven sent?

things of this world

they do not last

so why your lot in

do you cast?

can money and things

buy you happiness you think?

can it love for you bring?

or can it bring you to the brink?

i believe still today

that it won't bring happiness your way

nothing in this world will buy

what you really need inside

so follow your mind

and you will find

that if you're smart

you'll follow your heart.

~Scott Kinney

So I'm just saying that I have decided to become a minimalist. All I really need is my bed. That is all. The rest of this stuff has got to go!

That is because over the last month and a half I have sorted through every single thing I own. I'm serious. Since my garage sale in July, I have been in the process of preparing to move, sorting through my things, organizing, arranging, packing, and giving lots away.

I decided to treat this move differently than those in the past where in my old home I just threw everything in a box and in my new home put it all in a drawer or cabinet or on a shelf without giving it much thought. I decided this time that because I'm actually combining my stuff with another person's stuff til death do us part (counseling anyone? I'll drive!), I would go through each and every thing I own to decide if it is something that I really need in my life.

What a time consuming, painful, horrible, liberating, wonderful, terrible process this has been. Oh, the decisions! Oh, the endless collection of stuff that has amassed over a lifetime!

But today? I FINISHED. I can honestly say that I have touched and /or seen every single item I own whether it was in the back of a junk drawer, in the corner of a closet, or hidden deep inside a box in my garage that hasn't been opened in 20 years.

And I was pretty ruthless, too. I really purged a lot of stuff and that feels good. I like knowing what I have, where it is, and how I'll be able to incorporate my things into the things owned by my better half. (Yikes!)

So right now I am dirty, sore, and pretty exhausted, but I'm ready for the movers to come, take my stuff and drive off to Mexico with it so I'll NEVER HAVE TO UNPACK IT AGAIN!

Because seriously, all I need is my bed. And apparently my fridge...

Girls Night Out

2010-09-04T22:25:00.000-05:00

Mom was nice enough to come to Oklahoma City today to help me get ready for the movers to come on Wednesday. She also gave me her dining room chairs with is about a million kinds of awesome!

For dinner she wanted me to choose since this is my LAST WEEKEND IN OKC. That is so weird I can hardly believe it! So I chose the legendary Cattleman's Steakhouse in the Stockyards of Oklahoma City. Steak. Seriously...is there anything better? Yum.

But there was a 45 minute wait! Mom and I waited upstairs and chatted it up with a very nice woman from Montana who went to college in Colorado. Guess what? I grew up in Montana and went to college in Colorado! Needless to say we had a had a lot to talk about.

And the best thing? After waiting almost an hour...WE ATE! We ate wonderful food and by wonderful food I mean STEAKS!

In between good conversation we had musical entertainment. This guy on the harmonica was pretty good!

Over the last six years I've always had such a good time when Mom has come to OKC. It's a little bit bittersweet that this is her last visit here to see me! I had a great time.

And if you're ever in Oklahoma City, eat in the Stockyards at Cattleman's! You'll love it.

100 Things To Do In Oklahoma

2010-08-31T23:27:00.004-05:00

Saying goodbye to Oklahoma is really hard! As my last day here approaches I can't help but reflect on what a great experience I have had here.

The other day I went to lunch with some friends and mentioned that my time here was running out and there were still so many Oklahoma things I wanted to do. Next thing you know, my awesome friend Jenelle gave me the coolest gift...a set of beautiful cards "100 Things To Do In Oklahoma".

I love them and want to show some of them to you because these are Oklahoma things you should do!

I was pleased at how many of the things I had actually been able to do in the last almost six years.

Here are a few highlights.

Oklahoma has some truly amazing, world-class museums and I am hard-pressed to pick a favorite. The Oklahoma History Center, Oklahoma City Museum of Art, Sam Noble Museum of Natural History, Fred Jones Museum, Philbrook Museum of Art, Gilcrease Museum, National Cowboy & Heritage Museum, Jazz Hall of Fame, Science Museum Oklahoma, Jasmine Moran Children's Museum...all house amazing art, culture, artifacts, and history.

I have a soft spot for the Gene Autry Museum in Gene Autry, Oklahoma. Dad and I spent a great day there enjoying The Riders in the Sky. It's a special memory I will always treasure.

Oklahoma has so many natural offerings. Two of my favorites are the Quartz Mountain Lake and Resort near Altus and the Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge not too far from Lawton. Really impressive buffalo and longhorn cattle herds, a vineyard, the infamous Meers restaurant and beautiful scenery.

Gotta give a shout out to the zoos - I like both the Oklahoma City and the Tulsa Zoos.

I really like Tulsa. It has such a different feel from Oklahoma City. A bit more cosmopolitan, I guess. Some of my favorite Tulsa sites to see are the Blue Dome District with great entertainment options (love, love, love live-music venue Cain's Ballroom) and the amazing art deco architecture seen throughout the city. But because Oklahoma City will always be nearest and dearest to my heart I've included in this pic two fun things you should do when here...have dinner at the legendary Cattleman's Steakhouse in the Stockyards and then make your way to Bricktown for some downtown fun.

I'm not a gambler and that is too bad because Oklahoma is thick with casinos. But they just aren't my thing. With that said, I have had a few outings to Riverwind Casino and had a blast. Okay, I mainly had a blast because I was with my Nigerian friend Gbadabo Shola (aka "Sam") Adoeye and he was the hit of the casino. Talk about one of my favorite Oklahoma attractions....meeting Sam was an amazing experience. I've written about him here before (but fair warning...that post was from the early days of the Dotopotamus when I used to write rambling novel length posts that went on FOREVER and this one involves not only Sam but a dating experience gone horribly wrong!)

You know my love of small towns. Oklahoma's got a lot of 'em! A couple of my favorite small town stops were Guthrie (lots of Oklahoma early statehood history and good antique stores) and Pauls Valley where I did stop at the Toy and Action Figure Museum one time on my way back from Texas. That place was so funny and so weird that it was a little bit trippy!

And roadside attractions? You gotta love them. I really enjoyed seeing the many retro sights along Route 66 including the Blue Whale in Catoosa and Pops in Arcadia. Dad and I spent some time picking out Frosty Rootbeer and Grape Nehis!

And if you can, you really need to visit the Oklahoma City National Memorial and Museum honoring those who were killed in the 1995 bombing of the Murrah Federal Building. It is a moving experience.

Of course there are so many things I regret not doing when I had the time. Almost all of the things I wish I had done are visiting different parks and lakes. I'd like to see Beaver Bend State Park, Talimena National Scenic Byway, Robbers Cave State Park, Tallgrass Prairie, Grand Lake of the Cherokees and Turner Falls. Please go visit these places and send me some pictures!

I have to say that I agreed that these 100 Things To Do In Oklahoma were great suggestions. Okay, actually I thought 99 of them were great suggestions. I hate to say it, but I'd have to be pretty desperate for a day trip before driving the American Wind Power Trail would sound like a good idea!

Thanks again for the cards, Jenelle. They provide great memories of the good times I've had in Oklahoma and a to do list for when we come back to visit!

Go Boomers!

2010-08-28T19:22:00.000-05:00

Randy's high school reunion in Toledo, Oregon was a fun weekend. The best part was the alumni football game! Go Boomers!

The old guys (at least 10 years since graduation) versus the young guys (graduated in the last 10 years).

Randy was ready. Ankles taped? Check. Shoestring found to lace up the football pants? Check. Helmet big enough to protect the perfect bald head? Check.

Randy's mom was brilliant because she thought to bring blankets. When I left Oklahoma City two days before it was 103 degrees so suffice it to say I wouldn't have thought to bring blankets to the game. But let me just say that I was fully covered by said blankets by the end!

Friends arrived. Beautiful Pamela and Barb and awesome (and beautiful!) Mike. These guys all go way back.

Warm ups and general bantering (smack talking?) got underway.

And then we were ready for some football!

But DANG I didn't get one single picture of the game!

That's because with the introductions I became the videographer and I got everything captured on video. Because I didn't want to miss a single play, run, pass, tackle, trick, or touchdown I kept the video camera going the whole time and didn't get any still pics to post. Randy has possession of the tape so I can't even offer up a clip. So just imagine a lot of action...there were good plays and bad plays and passes and receptions and interceptions and touchdowns.

And in the end? The Golden Oldie Boomers won! 18-8! Go old guys! That is pretty awesome. And Randy did a great job.

After the game the celebration began and the three bars in Toledo were packed with alumni having fun tripping down memory lane.

Here's a little Toledo school days memory for you.

I learned that the middle school that these guys attended burned down. Like to the ground! During a school day! Randy was in music class when it happened. The fire started in the boiler room and actually burned through the ceiling of that room and burst through the stage that was in the gym (?)/cafeteria (?). And there were classes in there eating lunch. Can you imagine? You're sitting there eating you pb&j and all of the sudden flames burst out and right in front of you! Apparently the old school was a tinder box and it started burning like crazy really quickly, but luckily everyone got out, however there were some burns and injuries on some adults who stayed behind making sure all the kids were out. That is wild. I remember having so many fire drills during school but never did I ever think I would actually experience a real fire. Well these guys did!

So it was good to learn a little bit more about Randy and his life growing up. And it was fun getting to watch him play football. He's come a long way since his number 35 (basketball!) days here...

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum

2010-08-26T22:55:00.000-05:00

Last weekend Randy and I went to his all-school high school reunion in Toledo, Oregon. Toledo was hopping with activity, including the annual Wooden Boat Show held in the little port area of town.

I've always lived in land-locked places, so the whole coastal, sea, ocean, fishing, boating, shrimping, crabbing, thing is new to me. It's going to be fun getting to know that whole culture.

First stop, the Wooden Boat Show in Toledo, Oregon.

There was a lot going on.

The potato canon was a big draw. You aimed for the signs in the water, or that red jacket wearing pirate in that little dingy. Randy came the closest to hitting the target...missed it by that much! The red jacket wearing pirate in the little dingy shot potatoes back at you, so you had to keep your head up or you would get nailed by a flying spud.

There were different boat races throughout the day. You can see some of the boats warming up behind me.

There were wooden boats of all kinds on display along the various docks along the slough.

I liked the Wahoo. Good name.

Although the Wahoo was a little rough in places...

There were cute, funky little wooden boats.

And there were pirate boats!

Back up on land - the boardwalk area above the docks - there was a cute street fair going on. Lots of beautifully handcrafted wooden boats were on display. The amount of time and elbow grease these took to make is impressive.

You could make your own wooden boat

Little kids could make their own wooden boats, too.

There were many booths with cool things on display. Things like...

Fish art...

T-shirts...

Cute things for your dog. And there were dozens of dogs milling about...

Funky, handmade hats. You can't really see my new funky, handmade hat, but trust me, it's cute!

There were stringed instruments and people who knew how to play lilty Irish fiddle tunes...

There were antiques for sale, and you could buy your very own vintage Roman gladiator...because everyone needs one! We plan on putting this one in our garden.

There was a silent auction and Randy couldn't resist bidding on things. He was the high bidder on the big reel in the picture. He said he was getting it for me...because I need a reel for all of the deep sea fishing I'm going to do. (Now where on the keybaord is that face icon with the rolling eyes?).

I really liked the band because I'm always drawn to the live music! These guys were good. Come on, chances are that any band with an accordion player is going to be good.

And the best news? Randy and I were crowned King and Queen of the Wooden Boat Show! Okay, maybe not. Because these guys totally had us beat...

But there is always next year!

School Daze

2010-08-19T13:49:00.000-05:00

Randy's all-school high school reunion is this weekend in Toledo, Oregon. We'll be there....rockin' it old school style!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

And Futhermore....

2010-08-17T07:41:00.000-05:00

I have been fortunate to attend some wonderful conferences throughout my career.

Conferences, workshops, meetings, summits, classes, courses, showcases, forums, round table discussions, speaker series, presentations, seminars, webinars... Many different names for opportunities for professional development, networking and a little mind expansion.

The majority of these events have been hugely beneficial and I count myself extremely fortunate for the opportunity to attend.

Some of these events have had enormous impact on my life and my thinking. Bigger than what I received from many of my college courses!

But some of these events have been colossal wastes of time.

Enter the Franklin Covey 2-day class I attended about a year ago.

I had never been to a Franklin Covey sponsored workshop before but I certainly had heard a lot about them. I was excited to participate! Let's just say this might have been one of those times in life when expectation and reality didn't exactly hook up. However, after two days, I came away with one of my prized professional possessions...a possession that will be with me somewhere in my office no matter where that office might be for the rest of time...my Talking Stick.

After two days, I left the workshop with The Talking Stick and I had finally learned that it was what had been the missing from my managerial arsenal for all these years.

The wording on the bottom of The Talking Stick sums it up best:

How to use the Talking Stick: Only the person holding the talking stick is allowed to speak. Once that person feels understood, he or she passes the talking stick to the next person. Caution: Use of this Talking Stick may result in amazing, synergistic results!

So THAT'S they key to successful professional communication....The Talking Stick! As long as I'm holding The Talking Stick I can speak and argue my case until the other party comes around to my way of thinking. At last, a way to hold an entire meeting captive for as long as I want! If I have The Talking Stick I get to speak until I'm understood. For as long as it takes! I mean, who can argue with me as long as I'm holding The Talking Stick? Pure genius!

Oh, and did I mention that attending this class where I received this bit of communications gold cost $250 smackaroos? Yep...I'll let that soak in for a minute...The Talking Stick was mine for a mere $250. I know, I know....

Totally worth it.

The Eyes Have It

2010-08-11T21:30:00.000-05:00

There is nothing that makes me cringe like seeing pictures of myself when I have drunk eyes. You know....the picture where the camera shutter catches you in mid blink, or mid comment, or, if you're really lucky, both. And you look like a drunken fool.

It's always an extra special treat when you are the only one with drunk eyes in a group picture that is otherwise a fantastic shot of everyone else. Good stuff.

You hear me, right?

But drunk eyes also make me laugh.

So what better way to celebrate an insecurity than to put it on public display for everyone to enjoy!

What? Heeeeeeeyyyyy.....how's it going? Heeeeyyyyy....

Ruby....you are in so much trouble!

Yeah, you too Macy...

I'm going to tell your dad. Oh great....he's no help. He's got wide eyed drunk eyes...never good.

Wait....so....what was I saying again?

Oh, that's right. Randy, football games are serious business.

Okay, so this one might really and truly be drunk eyes in the....you know....literal sense.

What are my parents going to think? Okay, I suspect it's all good....

So drunk eyes are pretty funny. But they should never, ever be confused with their much more terrifying cousin crazy eyes...something I know very little about....

Higher Education

2010-08-09T18:09:00.000-05:00

At the Last Stop, Cat Meadow used to be overrun with cactus and that land wasn't very friendly for the cows.

Mom and Dad named it Cat Meadow because that's where Dad rescued these bad boys from a brush fire.

Ashes and Cinder now have lives fit for kings. And they weigh 50 pounds each.

But I digress.

Cat Meadow was overrun with cactus.

It really drove Mom crazy.

Mom happened to be living at the Last Stop by herself at this time. Dad was working in Colorado. That didn't stop my mother. She was tired of looking at the overrun Cat Meadow.

So she got a bright idea. An idea that took her to the barn and to the big, old Massey Ferguson tractor.

She figured....how hard could it be? So she found the keys and headed to Cat Meadow and figured out how it all worked.

And with the tractor, a shovel and a wheelbarrow, my mother singe-handedly uprooted hundreds of prickly pear cactus and cleaned up Cat Meadow turning it into beautiful, usable land.

Now the cows are really happy. They smile a lot more than they used to.

And then? Massey Ferguson University heard of her good work and decided to award her a special diploma.

Yes, Alice Ann Holliday is now a Doctor of Tractorology.

We're all really proud of Mom and continue to encourage her as she is now going for her second PhD, this time turning in her agricultural pursuits for her more personal interest in Theater Arts.

But that's a story for another time.

365 Days

2010-08-07T22:54:00.001-05:00

One year ago today Randy proposed to me in the pledge studio in front of God and 50 staff and volunteers. It was romantic! And unexpected! And crazy!

Today, one year later, he is very far away from me. I miss him so much.

Where will we be one year from today?

But what a year it has been.

Cheers, ya'll!

She's Tiffany

2010-07-29T10:56:00.000-05:00

Why do I love Dwight so much?

It's because Dwight says things like this...

"What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

A Really Big Show

2010-07-27T09:28:00.003-05:00

What? There's a stage? Well that can only mean one thing! The Holliday Sisters must put on a show!

Fresh from their latest dance recital in Meeker, Colorado....it's Mason and Ruby!

Mason set the stage for the show. Two sisters going on a picnic...a picnic that had some very surprising twists and turns.

There was suspense! And intrigue! And lots of dialogue! And luckily...a happy ending.

Thank you for coming! But hold your applause everyone...there's more!

Some special behind the scenes footage of the Holliday Sisters recording session at the Last Stop Studios.

These Poses? I Mean Really...What Were We Thinking?

2010-07-25T19:56:00.000-05:00

Christmas in July

2010-07-24T11:50:00.000-05:00

Hi! This is me in December.

Today? I'm melting! Triple digit heat means summer in Oklahoma. So, to cool off I thought I'd share a little bit of Christmas in July.

We had some amazing blizzard and ice storms here in Oklahoma this past winter.

On Christmas Eve I left Oklahoma City at 7:00 a.m. to make my way to Altus to meet up with Randy. I was leaving early enough to beat the storm and Dot and I were ready.

Oh but oh...was I ever wrong. As we drove the snow got worse and worse until it was near white-out conditions. At one point I actually spun 180 degrees and went off the road, but somehow was able to keep the forward momentum going and got out of the ditch and back on the road without getting stuck. I have no idea why I was that lucky given that so many cars were off the road, stuck in the snow.

After THREE HOURS I got to Lawton (this usually takes me about an hour) and was right here...1 miles from my exit!...where they shut down the highway and I sat for another THREE HOURS!

Luckily while the blizzard raged around me I had plenty of gas and a good heater and finally three hours later the state troopers let us exit off of the highway and I crept along to a convenience store where I called Randy and told him I was done! All of my I-grew-up-in-Montana-and-know-how-to-drive-in-snow! bravado was long gone and my shattered nerves were having no more of it. I told Randy I was sitting right there until the storm passed. Christmas Eve at the Quickie Mart! Woo hoo!

But Randy would have none of that so he saddled up and my knight in shining armour came to my rescue, driving from Altus to Lawton to save me, and together we drove back to Altus with Randy following closely behind me in case I ended up in the ditch again. (I couldn't decide if I was mad at Randy for risking his own life or completely swept off my feet by the sweetness of it all!)

Finally, NINE HOURS after leaving OKC, we left my car in Altus and headed south to Eastland, TX where we drove through some of the worst snow I had ever seen in Texas, ever. At least 18 inches of snow on the road at some points. Luckily, with Randy's 4-wheel drive and my ~~constant freaking out~~ encouragement, we made it to the Last Stop in one piece. Can you say frazzled? That was me.

But the next day? Christmas 2009? Wow...the blizzard passed, the sun came out and we were gifted with one of the most beautiful days ever. I have never seen so much snow at the Last Stop and we had a great Christmas day being outside.

Big Jack probably had more fun than anyone.

Even Dot was having a good time.

She was on high alert around those shifty cows!

Dad spent most of his day with the flame thrower burning off the needles of the prickly pear, which the cows love to eat. It's their favorite candy.

It is written that you must celebrate a rare Texas blizzard by building snowmen. And who knew that I was marrying the valedictorian of snowmen builders?

I thought I was doing pretty well...

But Randy and Jack had me so beat.

So we went for a spin around the Last Stop to check out the snow up on Scorpion Ridge.

And when we returned? Something had gone wrong...very wrong! The sun was getting to our snowmen.

So the snow didn't last long, but our white Christmas was fun while it lasted.

And if you're still hot from today's blazing sun, here is the entire snowy set to offer some chill.

Hanging at the Hollidays

2010-07-19T20:45:00.001-05:00

Is there such a thing as too much togetherness? The Holliday Clan seems to think not.

The true humor here? This is totally normal. This wasn't a how-many-clowns-can-you-fit-in-a-clown-car gag or a there-aren't-enough-seats-for-everyone-so-we'll-all-pile-on-the-love-seat thing...this was pretty much just everyone coming into the room at different times and being drawn to the couch.

There's papa on the couch, with his crutch because he just had major knee surgery - no danger for damage there! And there are two pretty fabulous under-tenners in the forms of Mason and Ruby who everyone wants to be close to, plus there's Matt who decided to check out his "crutch" from a play he was in 30 years ago, and best of all there are animals everywhere including three dogs and two cats, and Shana who was at least smart enough to position herself in the "eject" seat so that she could get out of there fast when Jack - who weighs 150 pounds - decided to jump on board.

Okay everyone..."Say cheesy"...I mean "cheese!"

Sure Cooper, there's plenty of room for you. Come on up. Jack, I know you want to but you would sink the ship, buddy!

Poor nervous Dot doesn't know what to make of the whole thing.

So she just jumped up on Randy's lap instead because it was much less crowded on his chair. What, Randy? You look a little freaked out. You aren't used to having crazed animals and under-tenners crawling on you when you are relaxing in the living room? Well welcome to the family My Dear! I'm not sure who looks more terrified...you or Dot.

So where was mom during the family meeting in the den? Not too far away....

Welcome to the Machine, Gordo!

2010-07-15T23:45:00.000-05:00

I am currently in the process of deciding which of my books stay and which go.

So of course that means that I get easily sidetracked and end up falling down a rabbit hole that eats up hours of my life because I have to go through each and every book in excruciating detail to decide its fate. And I know myself...I'm never going to get through this process and will end up keeping all of the books! Yet I press on.

Tonight I got into my University of Colorado yearbooks and chose to focus on the first one I grabbed. The year was 1989 and I was a junior at CU. Flipping through the pages I ran across this pop-out piece and had to laugh because I remember so distinctly that it was that year - 1989 - that we got a computer at home. For me, in 1989 computers were still unfamiliar, magical, mystery machines that I wasn't sure I could completely grasp.

And apparently my beloved University of Colorado felt the same way.

Check out the picture and notice the line of students wrapped around the field. This was that infamous day in 1989 when CU's new, fledgling, mass computer system crashed and EVERY single students' schedule was affected - classes deleted, randomly substituted, added, etc. It was a serious nightmare for 25,000 students and it paralyzed CU for weeks as they tried to sort out all of our records.

The way this particular event will forever be immortalized in the 1989 Coloradan yearbook is priceless because according to author Gary Jugert this was proof positive that computers were going to be the ruin of civilization as we knew it! And I quote,

"In twenty years, nobody will care about the day a giant black cloud descended on the University and paralyzed it. In twenty years, the entire University will be one big fat computer and the students will be completely replaceable parts. But for the record, when Big Brother took over our Disneyland of Higher Learning on August 30, 1988, he f****d up almost every single schedule and the powers that be grovelled helplessly at the feet of their almighty Student Information System. It was so bad, that President E. Gordon Gee was forced to apologize and it's gotta be bad if he actually takes responsibility. Welcome to the Machine, Gordo."

That is some AWESOME stuff, right?

In twenty years - aka 2009 - students would be completely replaceable parts! Because Big Brother was taking over and computerizing our lives, and the man was going to render us all slaves to the almighty Student Information System!

SO TRUE, CU, SO TRUE!

But my favorite part? Turning the page in the yearbook and seeing the full-page picture of the marijuana plant. Yep, that's my Alma Mater for you.

Take THAT Big Brother!

It's true...I was as square as they come in 1989... but even then I found endless humor in the awesome hippiness that has always been the University of Colorado and the Republic of Boulder.

GO BUFFS!

I Came... I Saw...I Choked

2010-07-11T01:19:00.000-05:00

Hi!

When Randy and I were driving back from Washington we stopped at Las Vegas for a couple of days. From there we headed home. It was hot in the truck. I was kind of dozing. We were traveling down a small highway and all of a sudden we turned left.

Randy had seen a sign that said the Grand Canyon was only 45 miles away! We were going.

The Grand Canyon? Seriously? Definitely in my top 100 Life List Things to Do! And definitely one of Randy's best moves.

A fun adventure ensued. Very narrow, windy, gravel road. Desolate. No traffic or tour buses. Lots and lots of cactus. It was stunningly isolated and beautiful.

We ended up at the Grand Canyon West on the Hualapai Nation Reservation. This was the home of the Grand Canyon Skywalk that I had heard about on NPR!

We bought our tickets, hopped on the bus, headed out, and ended up at a truly beautiful spot overlooking some amazing Grand Canyon scenery. It was really awesome. If you haven't seen it, it's hard to explain how humbling it is to be surrounded by such vast beauty.

But the Skywalk? TORTURE! Pure, raw pain! And no, I'm not even exaggerating...

Much...

So, I'm not a squeamish person. I'm really not. I'm not afraid of heights. I enjoy new adventures and trying new things. I like a little adrenaline rush every now and then. But when I put on the little booties they give you and got to the rim of the Skywalk I froze like a statue. I couldn't do it! There you are looking through the Skywalk 4,000 feet below you to the Colorado River and it's like you have to step out and walk on air. I just couldn't take that first step!

Randy went right out with no fear. He walked fast, and slow, and jumped up and down.

Show off.

Finally, finally, finally, after a few falst starts, I decided that we had paid a small fortune for this opportunity so I was going to do it. I crept out and literally hugged the rail all the way along. Every time I looked down my stomach flipped and I felt like I might throw up.

But it was awesome. And beautiful. And awesome again. Breath taking in every sense of the words.

The rub? THEY WON'T LET YOU TAKE YOUR CAMERA OUT ON THE SKYWALK. Can you even believe that? They make you leave your camera behind! They claim it's because too many people were dropping their cameras and scratching the plastic walkway. Oh please. The truth is, they want to keep the crowds moving and have a reason to charge you another $30 PER PICTURE that they will take for you! $30 per picture, people! On top of the already spendy ticket you purchased to be there! Of course once you get out on the Skywalk you want your picture taken so we sucked it up and got one but not without some eye rolling and grumbling. The photographer took the first picture and then said, "Okay, this time let go of the rail and look a little less petrified!" Randy has our picture packed away so I wasn't able to scan it for this post, but it's a pretty funny. I only have a little bit of terror in my eyes.

But check out this video! I can't believe how easily and freely these people are walking on the Skywalk.

Show offs.

I was a major wuss, no doubt about it.

Once we made it safely off and didn't plummet to our deaths we spent some time climbing on the rocks. And we summited on the top of the world!

Look! Over there! There's another place to drop more cash!

Just kidding. This adventure was awesome and totally worth it getting to check such a great experience off of the Life List.

Here are some pictures that will never do the Grand Canyon justice.

On the Road Again

2010-05-28T11:14:00.000-05:00

Last night I was outside after dark and I heard a strange noise that kept getting louder. And louder. Coming from the sky. It sounded kind of like a tractor motor. I looked up and did one of those cartoon moves where I rubbed my eyes to make sure I was seeing correctly. Right up there, crossing in front of the big, full moon, in my funky, weird little Oklahoma City neighborhood was a BLIMP with a rotating sign of lights that said "SUMMER IS COMING...ARE YOU READY?" It then went on to promote a lawn service. It just kept circling around and around asking me if I was ready for summer.

And in that moment a couple of things struck me as odd. 1. Hello...a Blimp... Something I don't see every day and 2. OH MY GOSH IT'S ALMOST SUMMER! I should have been tipped off by the fact that school is out, it's been 90 degrees here for a week, and everyone is making Memorial Day plans, but it took a giant blimp flashing a neon sign to make me realize how quickly time has flown this year and how much there is to do over the next few months!

And because so much has happened, I have so much I want to post on the Dotopotamus!

But I haven't been home much in the last month, and we are headed out again this evening on our second road trip in three weeks driving from Oklahoma to Washington state. Another week in Oregon and Washington, getting Randy moved up to McChord Air Force Base.

But someday soon there are things I want to share with you.

Like this!

And this!

And this, too!

But for today I'll settle for this. It's Memorial Day weekend and I am thinking of those who have served, and currently serve, in our military and I want to say thank you!

Your sacrifices humble me.

Do you read The Pioneer Woman ? I love her blog. Check it out this week - her "photography" section - to see a wonderful selection of photos submitted by her readers called "Coming Home". Dare you not to cry!

And to that end, I'm really proud of Randy who, yesterday, on his very last day at Altus Air Force Base, received his Meritorious Service Medal for his good works at that base over the last four years. He's done a great job and now it's off to McChord AFB in Tacoma, Washington for more adventures.

They Taste Like Chicken

2010-05-05T19:32:00.001-05:00

It's no secret that I love small towns. I love their character.

Mangum, Oklahoma is the Rattlesnake Roundup capital of Oklahoma. Randy and I decided to check it out.

When I first met Randy and we just started dating we somehow got on the topic of our fears. Randy shared that he is really afraid of big dogs and rattlesnakes.

Hmmm.....

All I could think of was how it was going to work when I took Randy to the Last Stop to meet my parents and he would meet their 150 pound black lab, Jack, and have to carry a flashlight when walking outside after dark in the spring and summer to scan for rattlers.

I figured that would work itself out all in good time so no need to go into that right away, right?

Anyway, the Mangum Rattlesnake Roundup is pretty fun and definitely funny. These snake wranglers are SERIOUS about their work.

Randy does have a righteous pair of rattlesnake skin cowboy boots and when I find the right one I will definitely own a rattlesnake hat band for my cowboy hat someday. I want one that looks like this one we found in Mangum...DUDE!

Here are some more pictures from our outing. And remember, if you encounter a rattler stay very still and move away v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y.

The Wild Blue Yonder

2010-05-04T20:10:00.001-05:00

I went to my first air show last weekend. In Altus, Oklahoma at the Air Force base.

I had no idea what to expect.

I left inspired! And impressed! And proud to be an American!

You should go to one soon.

Whether it's the awesome Thunderbirds, the WWII Pearl Harbor re-enactment, the graceful gliders, the stunts, or the mighty cargo planes, you will see some cool stuff!

Here's Randy working his shift at the safety booth. They gave away little bottles of bubbles to the kids that said "Don't blow it...be safe". *snicker* They were cute!

Here's Randy AFTER working his shift at the safety booth.

And here I am. Blurry. Because the plane was flying by REALLY fast in mid loop-de-loop when someone from the crew took my picture out the window!

Here are my pictures of the Altus Air Show!

She Has All Around Perfect Skills

2008-06-22T19:34:00.000-05:00

What a beautiful extension.

She can stick it better than anyone in the world.

Getting it in under pressure is her forte.

She nailed that mount.

You won’t see a dismount like that very often.

Her tricks are flawless.

What a powerful release.

She just impaled herself on that beam.

She’s rocking it on the horse.

You don’t see pole work like that very often.

These nasty euphemisms can only mean one thing…the U.S. Olympic Gymnastics Team Trails are underway and I have a raging case of Olympic fever! Only a good John Tesh “Up Close and Personal” musical montage highlight reel can cool this fire, baby.

47 days and counting…

The St. Patrick's Day Rules Are Very Clear

2008-06-14T19:20:00.000-05:00

I so wish I could have been there for this one, but alas, I only got to hear the story second hand from my brother, Matt.

It was St. Patrick's Day. Macy and Ruby were pretty excited about the whole concept and that morning they got decked out in anything green they could find to wear. Later that day, Matt took the girls to eat lunch at a small, local eatery in the little town of Granby, Colorado.

They walk in and have to order at the counter before sitting down. In line ahead of them was a pretty rough looking group of guys. Matt said that he had never seen such a militant, scary goth/punk guy then their apparent ringleader. Wearing all black, huge mohawk, chains, face piercings, smudged eye make-up - the entire Marilyn Manson works.

Matt tried to distract the girls so they would stop staring but when the goth guys moved over to wait for their food, he turned to order and Macy couldn't help herself. In a little-girl "whisper" that could clearly be heard in the large crowded room, she says in her most incredulous voice, "Daddy! Daddy! Look at that man over there..."

Matt said he froze, whipped around, but before he could interrupt what he was sure was going to be something ugly, Macy blurted out in her whisper, "He's not wearing any GREEN..."

The entire place erupted in laughter. Matt said he was never prouder of his kids then at that moment - they had never been judgemental little girls and they weren't gonna be judgemental that day, either. Well, except for the whole not wearing green thing, but come on...there are just some social norms you can't violate and expect to get away with. So Matt said in an equally loud stage whisper, "Then you'd better go over and give him a pinch!"

Macy cracked up as she tore over to the goth guy and pinched his leg and yelled "Happy St. Patrick's Day!". The guy was a great sport and goofed with her for a minute while everyone was roaring. Matt said everyone was still laughing when they left 30 minutes later. And Macy was never the wiser - she thought everyone was laughing because they were in on the whole St. Patrick's Day gaff she had just exposed.

You gotta love it.

Fresh From My Diary of Indignities

2008-06-12T17:27:00.000-05:00

I’m having some weight loss surgery later this summer (!) and in preparation I have had to take so many tests. Crazy tests. Tests that involve drinking liquid plutonium, being strapped to roller-coaster like devices passing through x-ray machines, and drawing gallons and gallons of blood. I swear the real point of these tests is not so much to determine if you’re ready for surgery, but to test your metal to see if you can survive. If you can make it to the other side after running the gauntlet of these tests, you can survive a measly little surgery with no problem.

So, last Sunday I had to check in to the hospital at 9:00 p.m. for my sleep study test. This is a specialty hospital, which I only mention because that means they don’t have a lot of patients there on the weekends since they do their procedures during the week. When I walked in at 9:00, it was dark, eerie, and as empty as a ghost town. I walked down the hall and finally saw the sign that said “Sleep Study” with an arrow pointing to the stairs. I hiked up the dark stairs and opened the door into an even darker room. After my eyes adjusted, I could see the faint glow of a light coming from under a door, which I opened and saw Pam. I was in the right place.

Pam is the nurse. I’ve met Pam before. I’m not even kidding when I say that when you answer her with “I’m fine, how are you?”, you will not say another word for at least 15 minutes. Pam is a talker. And not even a good conversationalist talker…she’s a prattler. She gets off on tangents and argues over the inconsequential details with herself and it’s like something out of an episode of Seinfeld. She calls you “honey”, “hon”, “sweetie”, or “sugar” at least seven times per sentence. My heart kind of sank a little bit when I saw that Pam was on duty that night.

But she is kind and helpful and she got me to my room all the while telling me about her latest romance with “that no good Bobby’s brother Hank.” My room looked very much like a Motel 6 room and not a hospital room. A regular bed, recliner chair, table and lamp. I had to put on ye olde open-backed hospital gown, which instantly made me want to break into the narcotics storage room and pill up. But I just got to stew in my disgust because Pam told me to wait there while she went and got the other people situated in their rooms - there were three of us on the ward that night.

I sat and tried to read my book but was distracted by the enormous console by the bed with all of the ports waiting for things to be plugged into them, and the video camera over the door that I knew would be pointed at me when I was sleeping. That just felt a little pervy.

When Pam finally got back to me it was about 10:00 p.m. She proceeded to wire me up, and people, if I’m lying I’m dieing, I had almost 50 electrodes attached to my body when it was all said and done. It was never ending. The glue on the little patches that holds the wires to your body is super sticky - way tighter than a band-aid. She had those babies duct taped all up and down my legs, in my arm pits, on my boobs, all over my face, on my back, on the soles of my feet, and at least a dozen of them in my hair. I cannot BELIEVE I didn’t bring a camera. You just have to picture it because my hair was sticking straight up because of that glue and each wire was at least 10 feet long so I looked like I had broken free from some experiment that had gone horribly wrong.

Now I’m no fool. I knew I’d have to be monitored in some way but was all of this really necessary? I made the mistake of asking Pam that question, and she was still talking 20 minutes later. In addition to monitoring your brain waves, they monitor your muscle movement, body temperature, heart beat and all sorts of other things that are going on when you’re asleep. Together these readings paint some kind of picture about you – do you have sleep apnea, are you not reaching REM sleep, how hard are your lungs and heart having to work, and so on. Oh Pam, please stop and tell me more about that no-good Bobby guy’s brother Hank because you’re freaking me out!

The problem was, after being rigged up, I wasn’t tired in the least, so Pam tells me to go in the common room and watch some TV for awhile. So, I get in the WHEELCHAIR and she bundles up my 500 ft. of cords and sets them on my lap and takes me in to the other room…where there is a giant man sitting in the couch as totally wired up as I am.

“Okay sugar, now let’s get you seated here next to Carl and you guys watch some TV while I go get Mrs. Kromowitz fixed up.”. OH LORD NO! NO, NO, NO! NO, PAM! DON’T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THIS STRANGER. I’M WEARING AN OPEN-BACKED HOSPITAL GOWN, RED SOCKS AND AM DRAGGING ENOUGH CABLE BEHIND ME TO WIRE LOLLAPALOOZA FOR SOUND…NOT EXACTLY FEELING SOCIAL HERE, PAM! ABOUT FACE! WHEEL ME BACK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW! PAM!

But of course I didn’t say any of that. I let Pat help me out of the wheel chair, position my tethers in such a way that they wouldn’t get tangled up with Carl’s tethers, and sit down next to this enormous guy who looked even worse than I did because not only was his hospital gown hiding very little that God gave him, but he already had his nose hose in place, which added an extra special touch to his spools of wire. Through this entire shifting around process all I can think about is my gianormous butt poking through the gown. Lord.

So Pam leaves and it’s just Carl and me in this poorly lit, tiny little room, watching…I’m not even kidding…The Food Network. Two giant people, looking like science experiments gone wrong, preparing for weight loss surgery, watching the Food Network. The irony had jumped into my lap and was physically slapping me in the face.

But it gets worse.

Second only to Pam, Carl was a world-class talker. But not just a talker, he was a chatter, and people, he was chatting me up. Oh, yeah. It didn’t take me long to realize that Carl was hitting on me. Taking his best swings. Showing his skilz.

It started out bad enough, but pretty soon he was using lines that made me want to wrap his nose hose around his neck and strangle him. “Yeah, I’m a financial advisor and I’ve gotta tell you…I’ve had some pretty good luck there. I just bought a Jag. I had to have the front seat widened (A DETAIL YOU MIGHT CONSIDER LEAVING OUT IF YOUR GOAL IS TO SOUND HOT), so it is one comfortable ride. Would you like to go for a ride with me some day? I haven’t widened the passenger seat but I think you’ll fit just fine. (OH STOP YOU FLATTERER, YOU!).” Or, “Well you sure are pretty. Maybe after our surgeries we could meet for ice cream (BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT TWO PEOPLE RECOVERING FROM WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY SHOULD DO!)”. And my favorite, “Yeah, my tango teacher thinks I’ll quality for regionals in another month, or so, so once you lose some weight maybe you could be my partner.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am absolutely aware that I am no prize, and I don’t get hit on very often, and I’m not a snob. It’s just that Carl had chosen the absolute most inappropriate time and situation to bust a move. And it went on and on and on. I wasn’t sure whether to be embarrassed for the guy or applaud his chutzpah. But of course, as I’m wont to do, the more he went on the more ludicrous the whole scene became, and the funnier it became the more I started to laugh, and the more I laughed the more he thought I was enjoying his humor and advances, and the more moves he busted, the harder I laughed. All the while sitting in hospital gowns with electrodes glued to every part of our bodies.

I finally had to excuse myself from the whole situation. I was done. I wasn’t even going to wait for Pam to come back with that wheelchair. I said goodnight to Carl, gathered my two tons of wires which I held in one hand while holding my gown closed behind me with the other hand, and shuffled back to my room as quickly as I could. I only tripped one time on the wire connected to the bottom of my foot.

I have to say that I’m going to think about Carl a lot over the next few months, hoping that things work out for him. Because it seems that Carl is looking for love and everyone deserves some love. But baby, you need to save it for tango class and leave the sleep study chicks alone. We do not feel flirty when there is glue in our hair, wires on our eyelids, and the possibility that our butt might bounce into view at any moment!

My Sacraficial Lamb Barks

2008-06-10T22:58:00.001-05:00

Dot is the greatest dog I could ask for. She's funny - but that is really her only redeeming attribute. She makes me laugh.

Which is her saving grace, because she causes me so much grief pretty much on a daily basis.

Here she is sitting in her favorite chair, earlier this evening. Moping. Seriously moping. And possibly dieing. All because she drank the nectar of the gods.

My neighbor across the street is a tiny, elderly Asian woman. I have lived here for three years and have never once, not one time, had a successful conversation with this little person. She is nice enough - she'll give me the occasional wave or nod - but she isn't very social and doesn't speak much English, so long ago I resigned myself to the smiling and nodding. She does a lot of work out in her yard, which I suspect is meditative for her because she rarely looks up. She can spend - literally - three and four hours at a time squatting down and slowly pulling weeds from her grass by hand. It's a thigh-busting squat that she can maintain for hours.

My mom was visiting once and she went outside to get something out of her car after dark, and came back inside totally amazed because she had been startled by the little woman across the street hunched down pulling weeds in the dark. You've got to know my fun-loving mom to appreciate the humor here, but after yelling out "Whoa!" when she was startled, she shouted out "Wow, how can you see what you're doing?" and of course didn't get an answer, which made it all the funnier.

But I like my elderly, tiny, 4-foot Asian neighbor, whose name, I believe, is Li. She's peaceful. And calm. And she keeps a nice, tidy yard. She's one of the characters that adds to the crazy quilt fabric of my neighborhood, and I like it that way.

Best of all, she has this big, old stump in her yard that she uses as....an alter. She leaves all sorts of things on the alter, but it always includes something to eat and drink. Sometimes there are other things - like figurines, or coins, or little pieces of paper with things written on them. I love her alter and I spend lots of time wondering to whom she is offering her gifts. What are her thoughts, or prayers, as she leaves these things. I love the connection she has with nature, so I usually pretend that this might be a fung shui practice, or an act of gratitude, for the gifts of the natural world.

Dot and I have walked by this alter every day for three years.

But this evening we're walking by, and Dot decides it's time for her to go. She usually doesn't go on this lawn so I'm a little surprised given what a creature of habit Dot is. As I'm bending down to pick up after her, I'm not paying any attention to where Dot is going, other than I know she is pulling on her extend-a-leash. I get everything cleaned up, look up, and was mortified to see that I had let Dot pull her leash out so long that she was EATING EVERYTHING ON THE ALTER.

I dropped the poop bag and, for some reason, decided to scold Dot using a stage whisper! What was that? Why didn't I just tell her "no!", in my normal voice? I guess I felt like Dot was desecrating something sacred and I shouldn't shout out in church, so instead I'm in the wide-open outdoors whispering "NO! DOT, NO! DROP IT! PUT THOSE CHOP STICKS DOWN! STOP! GET THAT SAKI CUP OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!". Well of course, Dot totally destroyed the whole thing. Knocked every item off of the tree stump and drank and ate whatever food was in the little dishes. You have to know Dot - she didn't care one bit that I was throwing a fit - she was having a great time!

I still don't know why I was so paralyzed, but I didn't know what to do. I felt like such an idiot standing there, but I was really embarrassed and the whole thing just felt WRONG. Like my child had tagged the outside of the First Baptist Church with purple spray paint. Your dog can't just go busting up into someone's alter and eat all their stuff! That isn't right!

I felt weird touching everything, trying to put it all back. That felt so...personal. So I decided I needed to say a little prayer that went something like, "God, please apologize to whoever is supposed to get this!"

And then the absurdity of it all hit me and I started to laugh. Uncontrollably. Which looked even more strange. I didn't want little, elderly Li to think that hoodlums had been messing with her Chi, so I felt the need to tell her what had happened. Tell her as best I could given that we don't understand each other and haven't had a real conversation in three years.

But she didn't answer her door. Her car was there, but she didn't answer. Maybe she wasn't home, or maybe she was watching me out of a window. I don't know. Instead of letting it go, I felt the need to go home and write a little note that said, "I'm sorry my dog disturbed your offerings". I left the little note on the tree stump under the tiny gold Buddha.

To make matters worse, Dot started acting sick about 30 minutes later. She threw up twice. I started to get really worried about whatever it was she ate and drank. As Dot moped around, I called the Vet and felt the need to EXPLAIN THE WHOLE LUDICROUS TALE. The Vet was sort of silent - probably overwhelmed by my over-the-top drama more than anything else - but he basically said to watch her for another hour and if she didn't seem to perk up to bring her in. He suspected that she might have eaten raw rice or maybe alcohol (Saki?), which didn't sit well on her stomach.

Sure enough, Dot wasn't down for the count for long, so I think the gods forgave her and spared her life. I should have taken a picture of the little alter, but going back with my camera would have been more than I could deal with.

I'm hoping that on our walk tomorrow Dot will tear up one of the bunches of fake flowers from the garden that my other neighbor "planted" over the weekend, or that perhaps she'll pull a pair of the ENORMOUS granny panties off of the clothes line of the lady down the street.

Hey There 1984! Love Your Pink Moccasins and Rust Shag Carpet!

2008-06-09T21:33:00.001-05:00

No, I don't want to take a picture, mom. I'm too fat for a picture! Okay, okay, just stop, all right, I have time for one quick picture but we have to hurry because I'm late for school and I have an algebra test. Here's my Benetton pose. Do you have it? The flash didn't go off. Just take the picture, mom. I'm standing up now. Just take the picture! Okay, when you get the film developed (in four months), we'll see if it's a keeper.

Whazuuuuuup?

2008-06-08T22:26:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone! My Dotopotamus hiatus is finally coming to an end. I have some things going on that I will share with you prety soon. But what better way to begin then to feature my favorite subjects?

Miss Mason turned FIVE in April, has officially graduated from preschool and is gearing up for kindergarten. She's beyond excited. I think she's already laid out her clothes for the first day of school. How is it possible that my teeny tiny baby girl is old enough to start school?

Oh, wait a minute. Did I say five? I meant seventeen.

Nah...she's five.

But the dude is definitely a super warrior.

Ruby doesn't need ninja skills. She'll take you down in a heartbeat with one look.

Instant Death by Cuteness.

She's digging being three and a half year old super star.

And costume designer.

With a personality so big you can't even believe it's coming from such a tiny person. And you will laugh. Oh yes, you'll laugh. Because the girl is FUNNY.

There ain't no party like a Holliday party 'cause a Holliday party don't stop...

Studio portraits rock

2008-04-09T22:57:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm still working on turning the pink to orange on the ole Dotopotamus, but I came across this today and had to share. Apparently this post from the blog List of the Day has been around the world wide web one million times now and I happen to be the last person who hadn't see it, but I'm so glad I did because did it ever make me laugh. And why do I laugh? Because I have dozens of pictures of me and my family that are JUST THAT BAD. In fact, I think I'll share some of them someday.

Check it out.

Meat Falls Off the Bone

2008-04-05T10:28:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone! Could someone PLEASE give me a giant kick start? Because I am in NEED of some motivation. Lord.

I'm going to give the Dotopotamus a little face lift. Nothing drastic. You know, will probably just turn the pink to orange, or something totally mind-blowing like that. And then I'm going to post things again. Because I miss posting things. So tune in in a few days, or years, and see the magic for yourself. Because I'm nothing if not ON THE BALL!

In the meantime, enjoy my favorite Oklahoma City commercial, courtesy of Mr. Sprigg's Barbeque...

It's a Fine Line

2008-03-18T13:35:00.000-05:00

I must admit, I like bagpipe marching bands.

I love them, actually.

The haunting, sober, sound moves me. When I lived in the famous Bull Creek Apartments in Austin, I lived near a cemetary. I would purposely walk near the cemetary early on Sunday mornings because every now and then this lone bag pipe player would be standing near a grave playing Amazing Grace. It was awesome.

But maybe even more awesome than bagpipe marching bands are men in kilts.

I love them.

I love to see kilt-wearing bag pipers headed my way. Ordinary looking men become handsome.

I agree that not all kilts are created equal.

And I agree that not all men can pull them off.

But some can. Oh, yes they can.

And I know that every single person fell just a little bit in love with Mel the day they saw this.

Because, say what you will about that guy, but he can pull off a kilt.

And make up.

That is all.

1, 3 year old + 1, 4 year old + Winterpark = BEST DAY EVER

2008-02-19T23:34:00.001-06:00

In the car on the way to the mountain:

Aunt Lori: So, you guys love to ski?

Macy: IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME...

Ruby: dude

Next up? Hang gliding.

Oklahoma State of Creativity Launch

2008-02-11T00:11:00.001-06:00

Thanks to my friend Eric, we have a fun little video from our event on Friday. People really liked playing with the PhotoBooth feature on the Macs. I hope you will take a minute to learn more about this important Oklahoma initiative at www.stateofcreativity.com. It really is one of the more unique projects I've ever been involved in. Can you find me in the video? I look like Madonna. Or not really like Madonna at all. You decide.

Charlie

2008-02-09T21:32:00.001-06:00

I don't know why this little video makes me laugh so hard. Well, I do know...it's the accent.

And yes, I am a big Dooce copycat. If you read her blog you've already seen this, but copying is the most sincere form of flattery, right?

Please Don't Quit Me!

2008-02-04T20:52:00.000-06:00

Hi everyone!

I haven't posted anything on the Dotopotamus for about three years now because:

1. My rig has been busted.
2. I am in a fight for my life and have no time.

That's right, my computer has been down for awhile. The whole experience has been one giant exercise in frustration. So much so, that I plan to write about it as soon as I can. But that might be next week, because...

I'm in a fight for my life!

I am so insanely busy and stressed at work right now, that today alone I:

1. Started to hyperventilate,
2. Didn't go to the bathroom for 10 hours because I just couldn't find the time, and
3. Grabbed my back in utter pain when I, literally, heard it go "SPROING".

In my line of work there is always "the big event" looming out there. I'm always and forever working towards that big event. Everything gets pushed to the side because of the myriad of details associated with THE BIG EVENT. This particular big event will happen, whether or not I'm alive to see it, this Friday from 6:00 p.m. - 11:00 p.m.

I plan to be drinking heavily by 11:30 p.m.

And the real rub? As soon as this one is in the can, I'll start working on Monday towards the next big event.

I'll share the details with you soon, because they are funny. These details are many but some highlights involve:

1. 650 people trying to sit in an event space that only holds 500,
2. A troupe of mostly naked women wearing only porcelain - yes, I said porcelain - boustieres, and,
3. The Governor of Oklahoma.

It really is pretty exciting.

So, I'll hope you'll stay with me through the agony that is the planning for THE BIG EVENT and I'll get back in a posting groove next week.

In the meantime, check this out! To show you my level, or non-level as it seems, of mental activity these days, I couldn't figure this out. My dad sent this to me and I finally had to say "uncle" and ask him where the freaking man was. But once he told me it was so obvious. Let me know how long it take you to find the man in the coffee beans:

Donna, Sandra and Lori...Real Tough

2008-01-19T08:50:00.001-06:00

This is EXACTLY why I didn't go to college...

Wait a minute, I did go to college. But DANG this is funny. Favorite line? She was really smart...she could see around corners and stuff...

(Thanks, Janette).

Good and Evil Were Separated at Birth

2008-01-15T14:53:00.001-06:00

My friend Jonathan (the good guy!)

Syndrome from The Incredibles

Be Yo Self

2008-01-14T09:50:00.000-06:00

Just saw Keb Mo on Sesame Street and it changed my gloomy Monday morning mood entirely.

How much do I love Keb Mo? Combine that love with my love for Sesame Street, Grover and Kermit the Frog and life seems a whole lot brighter.

At least for the next 20 minutes, or so...

And the green muppet girl below? The one you'll see totally jamming over Keb's right shoulder? That is so me at every Keb Mo show I've ever been to...and that is the same look I have on my face, too.

Geaux Tigers!

2008-01-07T22:45:00.001-06:00

Way to win the big one, Budreaux! And you did in regulation game time...no triple overtimes needed.

Beth and Anthony (aka Captain New Orleans) have been rolling in New Orleans all day today as they got their game faces on in preparation for tonight's National Championship Game. And by "got their game faces on" I mean "have been drinking Bloody Marys since 10:00 a.m.".

You gotta love Beth's text messages...

2:00 p.m. The rage is on.

4:45 p.m. The rage continues. Bourbon Street is crazy. ONLY FELL ONCE. OSU boyz helped.

7:51 p.m. No worries baby. We are tigers. (when LSU was down by 10 in first 5 mins. of game)

8:32 p.m. IT IS ON. (When LSU scored 21 unanswered point and the tide turned in their favor)

8:52 p.m. God I love this place.

10:31 p.m. Always keep the faith. We are the tigers.

10:46 p.m. The city is exploding. But in a good way.

So cheers to you, LSU! I have a feeling the great state of Louisiana will be a little late for work in the morning...

Wes Checks It Out

2008-01-06T21:28:00.000-06:00

Needing All the Luck I Can Get

2008-01-01T18:16:00.001-06:00

Goodbye 2007, Hello 200Awesome!

2007-12-31T10:51:00.001-06:00

Well, hello!

As I sit hear reading the title for this post - my attempt at positive thinking - I've decided to scrap positive thinking as a new year's resolution. It just doesn't suit me, you know? To thine own self be true...

Perhaps a more Lori Holliday True title would be, "Goodbye 2007, Hello 200I Wonder If This is the Year I'll Finally Lose Weight?".

The one and only resolution I'm making this year is to take at least one picture every day.

That's it.

Nothing big. Nothing heady. Nothing that involves deprivation or analysis.

I'm just going to take pictures.

Oh, and exercise, lose weight, get organized, pray, take a voyage of self discovery, volunteer, reconnect with old friends and get married.

I wish you all a wonderful 2008 and seriously hope that your wildest dreams come true. Wouldn't that be great if all of our wildest dreams came true in 2008? I mean can you even really imagine?

Hey, did you have a good Christmas? I sure did. I spent one whole week with my folks at the Last Stop and had a terrific time doing some serious relaxing. It was wonderful.

I thought it would be fun to show you some of my Christmas presents.

These potato chips with added caffeine, B vitamins and Taurine are super tasty. Enjoy them with some Mountain Dew and you're sure to get that house cleaning finished in no time.

Yeah, I've told you before how much I enjoy the ole iPod...

Because nothing's too good for the Dotopotamus!

Just because these aqua dots are coated with a chemical that when ingested acts as GHB - the date rape drug - doesn't mean they aren't super cool to play with !

An electric martini shaker...because shaking my own cocktail is just too darned taxing.

JUST KIDDING!

But you wondered if I was serious, didn't you? That's why I decided to write JUST KIDDING here at the end. Because I guessed enough of you thought I was serious that I had a crisis in confidence and decided I'd better let you in on the joke. (Oh, and this year I'm going to therapy to work on self esteem issues...)

Peace and goodwill to all. Happy New Year!

Christmas Cactus in Bloom

2007-12-16T09:13:00.001-06:00

Baby It's Cold Outside

2007-12-13T20:31:00.001-06:00

Four days in freezing temperatures without electricity in a drafty little brick house makes for a grumpy Gus! I take daily conveniences for granted... like my lights! And my heater! And my blow dryer! Not to mention extravagances like a computer and TV.

I'm lucky that my power was only out four days. Today was day five and many are still without.

I've mentioned before that growing up in Montana and Colorado means that I'm plenty familiar with winter storms. But these ICE storms are so bad because we don't have the infrastructure to deal with them.

This storm was particularly hard on the trees...so many are down, and OKC doesn't have a lot of trees to spare.

Brrrr!

Taking the Good With the Bad

2007-12-08T09:13:00.000-06:00

I had a pretty tough few days at work. A project I'd been working hard on launched...

and crashed...

and burned.

There were no survivors.

I've been thinking about it non-stop since Thursday and have decided that there are some things I could have done better. And there are many things that others could have done better.

I like to do everything myself, because I can better control a situation. But this project required a big, diverse team of people, most from outside my shop. Together, we used words like community collaboration and strategic partnerships and public/private model. We met. Lord, did we meet. We talked and planned and debated and plotted. I felt like we had done solid work - turned over all of the stones, so to speak.

I was excited. This was new and interesting stuff. We had the attention of many.

But then key players went gonzo and did their own things, unbeknownst to me. Things that ultimately jeapordized the project. Things that I didn't know about until the zero hour.

But I'm so proud of my inner circle - we rallied and did everything we could to make the situation better. We were a team. A little team fighting a big ugly beast.

Yet I'm left feeling defeated and angry at those who chose to call their own shots.

Ultimately, I've decided that it all boils down to egos. Overinflated egos. It's hard for big egos to be part of a team. Giant egos want to call their own shots. I don't work well with these humongous egos. Because in the end? My little ego ends up feeling bruised and battered.

So on my walk with Dot this morning, I knew I had to start shifting my thinking or this was going to eat me up. I realize that I did the best I could in that I helped create a great plan. I could not control those things that went wrong. Many people are calling the project a "success" because parts of it worked. Many are saying that we should feel great because we took a risk and tried something new and with what we learned, we will hit a home run next time out. Some are saying that I'm over-sensitive and need to just get over it because I'm the only one who's really worried about it. So, I'm trying to do those things.

I also started thinking on my walk this morning, how much I'm using the word "hate" these days. "I hate him because he didn't listen to me", "I hate this trainwreck of a project", "I hate big egos", "I hate the guy who cut me off in traffic this morning", "I hate onions on my hamburger". Stop it! Enough! I've always hated haters, and I don't want to become one!

It's Christmas, right? I want to be more lighthearted and merry and jolly! Damn it, I want to be more jolly. So today, I am burning my "I heart Scrooge" t-shirt and, as the song goes, I'm donning more gay apparel. More. Gay. Apparel. Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaaa,

So, I'm working on it...

In that vain, I am now going to perform an exercise right here in front of you, my friends. That's right, in public, with all eyes watching. It's one of those "gratitude" exercises. Because in truth? I have so much to be grateful for.

In pure stream of consciousness mode, with no over thinking it, I'm going to see how long it takes me to list 100 things that I like. These don't have to be monumental things. These don't have to be in any kind of order. These don't even have to be things I love. I just want to flood my brain with things I like, instead of things I hate.

Ready?

GO!

1. Family
2. Nieces (they get a special nod)
3. Friends
4. Dot
5. Home
6. Public Televsion
7. Coffee with cream
8. Plants
9. Colorado
10. Magazines
11. Camera
12. Creativity
13. Movies
14. Art
15. Texas
16. Good lighting
17. Nature
18. Travel
19. Accessories
20. Antiques
21. Decorating
22. My mom's sense of style
23. My dad's sense of humor
24. Music
25. Singing
26. Pizza
27. First kisses
28. Second kisses
29. Football
30. Blogs
31. People with senses of humor - who can laugh at themselves
32. Pretty clothes
33. Red
34. Flowers
35. Flea market floral oil paintings
36. Small towns
37. My brother's ability to make a friend of whoever he meets
38. Mom Jo stories
39. Piano
40. Romance
41. Rain
42. Montana
43. France
44. Mom's meatloaf
45. Babies/children
46. Memories
47. The Blues
48. Love
49. The Last Stop
50. My iPod
51. Doing good work

I'M 14 MINUTES IN AND COMPLETELY STALLED OUT! This is proving difficult...so now I'm really going into stream of consciousness. Good must prevail! Positive must push out negative! Come on brain... Come on heart...people are watching...

52. Losing weight
53. Dreams
54. Tennis
55. Good stories
56. Color
57. Dancing
58. Bed and Breakfasts
59. Taking pictures of signs
60. Freshly fallen snow
61. Guerro's maragaritas
62. Live music
63. New Orleans
64. Christmas Eve church service
65. When Beth gets me laughing
66. A completed home improvement project
67. Technology (I don't get it all, but it amazes me and makes me curious)
68. Riding on snowmobiles
69. The mountains
70. Oklahoma
71. Inside jokes
72. Any scene from Urban Cowboy...come on, it's a classic!
73. Musicals
74. Shopping
75. Happy endings
76. Over-the-top western cut shirts with emroidered roses, fringe and pearl buttons (see #72)
77. Pedicures
78. Wildlife
79. Boat rides/river rafting
80. Being the only granddaughter
81. University of Colorado
82. Mom's brownies
83. The Sunday paper
84. Crisp, clean sheets
85. A good hair day
86. Taking walks
87. A well-run system
88. Finding the perfect gift for someone
89. Tall men
90. Paris perfume
91. Refrigerator magnets
92. The moment you know you've made a new friend
93. Having enough money
94. Old photo albums
95. Eclectic style
96. Food cooked on the grill
97. Cartoons
98. Hard wood floors
99. Bargains/A good deal
100. Peace on Earth

WOW! That exercise took 27 minutes, my friends. Should it take that long to make a list of things you like? I don't think so. I need to do more work on shifting my thinking and being more positive.

I'll work on it...

Crossing the Mississippi

2007-12-04T20:44:00.000-06:00

Distant Memories

2007-11-30T20:25:00.000-06:00

I am in love with Charlie.

Charlie is a coyote and you can meet him at www.dailycoyote.blogspot.com. If you read Dooce, you probably have already met Charlie because that's where I discovered him, too.

There is something so sweet and simple about imagining what life for Charlie and his human friend must be like living in that log cabin in Wyoming. I could look at those pictures for hours.

One of my longest held fantasies has been a desire to live in the mountainous wild, somewhere, in the middle of nowhere. Since I've been super young I've pictured myself in that scene. And that's the beauty of a fantasy - because in reality? There's nooooooo way - I'd be dead in a week. (Or...would I rise to the challenge, find inspiration in the sunrise, chop wood, haul water and learn to hunt like Aila?)

When I was very, very little - so young that I don't actually remember this clearly - my dad brought home some coyote pups. We have pictures of them, so I sometimes don't know if I'm remembering the real coyotes or if I'm remembering seeing them in the pictures. Dad worked for Montana State Parks and Wildlife and he brought other things home, too. Animals that needed some care or attention of some sort. The twin bear cubs were my favorite.

I remember Susie the rabbit. I remember her clearly because she would let us hold and pet her. We had a rabbit cage out in the backyard and I could give her lettuce and carrots and little pellets of food. One day Susie wasn't there and I was told she had hopped away during the night. I was sad. Believed for years that I might have been the one who left the hatch open - even though mom and dad assured me that wasn't that case at all. When I was an adult they told me that Susie had actually died one night in her pen.

Nothing very funny or poignant about these rambling thoughts. They're just the kind of memories that waft over and around you like a haze, brought vaguely back to life by looking at sweet pictures of little Charlie the Coyote.

P.S. I'm just kidding about the bear cubs. But DANG wouldn't that have been awesome? Oh, and when you come to visit me in my log cabin in the Bitterroots, please bring some coffee beans, sugar and the latest issue of Vanity Fair. Thank you kindly.

Got Fleur-de-lis?

2007-11-27T22:16:00.000-06:00

Guess where I spent Thanksgiving?

A Picture Is Worth a Thou... $4.99

2007-11-19T20:41:00.001-06:00

When will I learn?

When will I learn that MARKETING is spin. It's trickery and seducery and mockery. It's the work of evil whose goal is to separate you from your money.

But DANG marketing works and I fall for it every time.

The packaging on this little disposal Halloween camera said that I wouldn't believe my eyes! It said I could scare my friends and make them believe the unbelievable! It said I would be popular at parties.

It said that when developed, a GHOST would appear on each photo.

How cool is that? 27 shots of Halloween fun that would be sure to please. I could see the blog entries in my mind.

Here's my $4.99 - GIVE ME THAT CAMERA.

What a rip off.

Check this shot out. The scariest part of the whole picture is Dot's red eye and my Grease album from the fifth grade sitting in the background by the chair (ask me...just ask me). If you look oh so closely over by the ottoman you'll see a woman's face peering from behind.

Um, not scary.

And this one? It looks like Dot and skeleton head are posing for a candid in the "as seen about town" section of the paper...

OOOOOOOO..... I have a ghost that looks like an over-exposed spot in front of my house...

This one? You've got to work at it, but if you look closely, you'll see that La-La is pawing at a screaming man's face. In theory, this one could be funny. In practicum? Totally lame.

And the best ghost shot of all? MY PICTURE DIDN'T EVEN APPEAR!

What a gip. Almost as disappointing as the thigh buster that broke the FIRST TIME I SQUEEZED MY LEGS TOGETHER and that blackhead remover I bought from an ad in the back of Archie Digest.

The Soundtrack of My Life Would Win a Grammy

2007-11-15T22:00:00.001-06:00

And speaking of iPods...

I think we can all agree that the iPod is, without a doubt, the single greatest and most important invention of all time. I am in love with my iPod. I plan on marrying it.

Second greatest invention of all time - the iTunes store. Dude, you can buy any single song in the universe for .99. I mean, how awesome is that? Never again will I have to buy the whole stupid CD just for that one song.

But I had to come to grips with the fact that the iPod doesn't lie. It gives you exactly what you've given it. Your soul is laid bare for all who scroll through your music collection while you're in the bathroom. They're going to see the inner workings of your mind, and that can be a scary thing.

I haven't yet figured out their system, but every so often iTunes emails me a summary of the music I've purchased. I got that email today and it was humbling.

I had to take a moment to collect myself when I realized that I am, truly, the weirdest person I know.

Because the last 5 songs I've purchased have been:

1. Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen
2. Delta Dawn - Helen Reddy
3. She Bangs - Ricky Martin
4. Kiss - Prince
5. The Bare Necessities - Jungle Book

Truth? I'd be hard pressed to tell you which of those songs I like the best because THEY ARE ALL GREAT.

He's Making a List and Checking It Twice...Actually, He Completely Forgot to Consult the List

2007-11-11T21:24:00.000-06:00

I was at Big Lots on Saturday, and even though I LOVE the Big Lots I was so tired that I thought I was going to drop. I had no energy and thought I might have to lay down and take a nap as I was waiting in the check out line.

However, this conversation between the normal looking couple in line ahead of me woke me up. And everyone else within a 100 foot radius.

It started out simple enough, in nice, normal tones...

Her: I can't believe how well we've done today with our Christmas shopping. We're never ahead of the game like we are this year.

Him: I know. I even finished getting Michael's stuff this morning.

Her: That's great. Where did you get the iPod?

Him: Oh, I decided against the iPod. I got him a shotgun instead.

Her: ...

Him: Hello?

Her: ...

Him: Jill?

Her: You got him a what?

Him: A shotgun.

Her: ...

Him: Jill, I really think he'll...

Her: You got him a shotgun? A shotgun? When we had decided on an iPod?

Him: Well, yeah, I just think he'll...

Her: Get out.

Him: What?

Her: Get out.

Him: What do you mean get out?

Her: Get out of my sight. Right. Now.

Him: Get out of your sight? Why? What's going on?

Her: Get out.

The poor guy could not have been more confused at that moment...

Him: We're in a store.

And as much as she had been trying to contain herself, poor Jill absolutely lost her shit and yelled so loudly that spittle was shooting out of her mouth and a little girl in line in back of me started to cry.

Her: GET OUT OF MY SIGHT RIGHT THIS MINUTE YOU BIG LIAR HOW DARE YOU GET HIM A SHOTGUN WE HAD AGREED ON AN IPOD GET OF MY SIGHT RIGHT NOW AND DON'T THINK YOU'RE COMING HOME WITH ME YOU AND IF YOU EVER THINK THAT I'M GOING TO TRUST YOU WITH THE CHRISTMAS LIST AGAIN YOU ARE WRONG HE IS TOO YOUNG FOR A SHOTGUN AND HE WILL KILL THE DOG YOU SON OF A BITCH GET OUT, GET OUT.....GET....OUT!

Of course I almost spit my gum out when I inadvertently choked a laugh at the "he will kill the dog" line. But come on, that was funny.

Looking stunned, as if he had just been blasted by said shotgun...

Him: Uh, okay then. We'll talk about it later.

Her: LIKE HELL GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

Taking matters into her own hands, Jill shoved by everyone and steamed out the front door and we all watched her get in her car and tear off. The guy couldn't have looked more sheepish and confused as he looked at all of us and then silently walked out the door and just sort of stood there looking around.

Needless to say, I was then wide awake and the entire check out line was a twitter with excited commentary on the battle shotgun that had just gone down in front of us all.

I finally paid for my napkins and 2 serving trays. When I walked outside the guy was still standing there now fiddling with his cell phone. I didn't have a clue what to say so I just tucked my head and walked on but I heard the guy who had been behind me in line come out and say something ridiculous like, "you're really in the dog house now, huh?"

Yeah, in the dog house...with the dog whose life is now in jeopardy... Dude, you just should have stuck with the plan.

Trick or Treat

2007-11-01T09:21:00.001-05:00

Laa-Laa is yellow and the second youngest Teletubby. She is the happiest and most smiley of the Teletubbies. She loves to dance and sing. Her favorite word is "nice". Laa-Laa loves the way her ball bounces. She always wants to know where the teletubbies are. She has her own special La-la-la-la-la song.

OMG, Dot was DEFINITELY not the happiest and most smiley of the teletubbies on Halloween!She hated wearing the LaLa Halloween hat almost as much as she hated wearing the Santa Hat.

Grump.

Brain Freak Out

2007-10-19T17:27:00.000-05:00

Have you see this? This optical illusion is so interesting to me.

I immediately see her spinning clockwise. For the longest, I couldn't see her spinning counter clockwise until I focused my eyes on the shadow of her foot. Something about doing that allowed my brain to switch and see her going the other direction. It's cool when you make the switch happen!

I do loves me the internet! Happy Friday to all.

And Our Eyes Met Again, As If For The First Time

2007-10-17T17:08:00.000-05:00

Oh Ken,

You still look really good. I mean really good.

What's that? What have I been doing for the last 29 years since I saw you last?

Oh, you know, just hanging out and stuff.

When I saw you for the first time the other day - when I opened up the old box and there you were - I thought I would be ready to hand you over to Macy and Ruby. I thought I was mature enough to give you up to another. Oh, but I was wrong, Ken.

I'm just saying that my heart did a little back handspring of joy when I saw you. And you saw me. It was like 29 years had never passed. What's that? Oh, you're so right! Our love really is timeless.

Remember the fun we had, Ken? The talks? The wardrobe changes? The long drives in the Barbie camper? Hanging out in the Barbie condo with G.I. Joe and the girls? Good times. Good times, indeed.

I'm sorry you saw me get all flustered when Macy put that ridiculous crown on your head and insisted on calling you Prince Eric. When I saw that little wink you gave me - that wink that said, "Hey Lori, it's alright. You know I'm always going to be Ken to you. Your Ken." - I relaxed and knew that our love was secure enough for me to turn you over to the four year old.

Yeah, it's all good. Macy's never had a boy doll before and she fell completely in love with you. Your blue eyes. Your blue polyester disco suit with the sparkly pink collar. Your cool hair.

She had you marrying Ariel and Snow White and some princess named Aurora and I think you were even temporarily married to a giant baby doll named Rosie. But I knew. I knew you were just humoring Mason because you're a sweet guy like that - because you know your one true wife will always be Barbie.

What's that? But I'll always be your one true love?

Oh, Ken.

Giving Thanks

2007-10-16T10:41:00.000-05:00

Papa: Macy, why don't you say the prayer before we eat dinner?

Macy: *blink* *blink, blink* Okay.

Grammy: Everyone holds hands when we say a prayer at Grammy and Papa's house.

Macy and Ruby: Eyeing Grammy and Papa skeptically, unsure of this standing still hand-holding thing. Hand holding generally means fun and games, not playing statue.

Macy looking around the table, finally convinced that she really is supposed to say a prayer.

Macy: God.

Macy: Thank you for...

Macy is concerned and pauses, looking around for visual props. Gets none.

Macy with renewed determination and a big, confident voice: God. Old McDonald had a farm, eee eye eee eye oh, with a crunch, crunch here and a munch, munch there, Old McDonald had a farm, eee eye eee eye OH LUNCH.

A mortified Grammy was rendered speechless, but Macy, Ruby, and a guffawing Papa and Aunt Lori: AMEN!

Saddle Pals

2007-10-04T11:21:00.001-05:00

A ticket to the Gene Autry Film and Music Festival?

$20.

A day with just dad and me in Gene Autry, Oklahoma watching Riders in the Sky?

Priceless.

8 Days and Counting

2007-10-02T09:04:00.000-05:00

Until I get to see Miss Macy and sweet Ruby Kate.

They were in their uncle's wedding and I have no doubt they stole the show. Bride? What bride? But look at those adorable flower girls!

A Postcard From Route 66

2007-09-30T21:35:00.000-05:00

Just turn right at the really big pop bottle for a little roadside refreshment...

Guess Who Turned Four?

2007-09-28T07:32:00.001-05:00

Knowing When It's Time To Ask For Help

2007-09-26T11:27:00.001-05:00

All of my techie, braniac friends need to stop snorteling and judging me RIGHT NOW.

I know when I'm defeated.

Job Satisfaction

2007-09-24T13:39:00.000-05:00

You know those experiences you have in life that are so funny and surreal that you can hardly believe they are happening to you? Those experiences that, no matter how hard you try to perfectly encapsulate their retelling, you will never be able to adequately relay how truly funny they were?

Well, this is one of those because I’m not sure I can describe how this experience cracked me up.

But first I'll back up a bit.

It has been such an honor talking with, and interviewing, so many World War II veterans and their families as part of the outreach campaign we’re engaged in at work. This is a companion project to Ken Burns’ new film, The War, which premiered on PBS last night. (tune in…amazing stuff…). Oh, and check out our fabulous project web site. And you should share the WWII stories from your own family. You can do so on the aforementioned fabulous project web site. It’s important that we collect and preserve these stories for future generations.

Okay, shelving the shameless self promotion for now.

I had no idea how strongly I would be affected by this project. I knew if would be emotional to some degree because, well, we’re talking about World War II and that whole 60 million people dying thing is an overwhelming downer, for sure. But I never expected so many of these personal stories to touch me so deeply. Case in point, on Friday I had to shut my door and CALL MY PARENTS because I was in tears over all of the stories I had heard that day! Yes, the always professional and super duper appropriate weeping at work…always a winning move. And I wasn’t just crying. I lost complete control. Sobs, losing breath, snot running everywhere, couldn’t stop. Sweet.

All because as I listen to these people talk, or read their stories, I think about what they went through and I become overwhelmed with the enormity of it all. As I heard one person put it last week, humanity just dangles by a thread and it is a constant necessity to balance out evil with good. And these people went to war against evil.

But it hasn’t been all tears, breakdowns and random acts of curling into the fetal position. Some of this has been a riot.

And therein lies the story that I will never be able to adequately describe to you.

Meet Lee Smith and his lovely wife Carolyn.

And by lovely I mean absolutely-certifiably-off-the-charts crazy.

But in a good way.

My friend and colleague Ashley and I went to the Smith’s home in lovely Tulsa, Oklahoma to interview Mr. Smith (retired Colonel in the Air Force) and a group of his WWII buddies who do extensive outreach with the Tulsa Public Schools. These guys are amazing, especially when you consider their age, because they are constantly on the go, in the schools every week sharing their first-hand perspective, and believe me, these men definitely saw the war first hand.

After a bit of trial and tribulation, Ashley and I find their home. Small, cute, in a nice neighborhood that has been there for awhile because they have gorgeous, tall trees. Mr. Smith is in the yard and waves us in as we park and get out the car.

After a genuinely warm welcome Mr. Smith takes the lead and brings us into…well….what can only be described as the carnie house that time forgot.

We had to walk in very well defined “pathways” because there was SO MUCH clutter and junk stacked floor to ceiling everywhere. I’m serious – 85 years worth of STUFF that you could only maneuver through via the path. This actually wasn’t so shocking to me as I have first-hand, life-long experience with this particular lifestyle enjoyed by a few of my family members… but that’s another story entirely.

What was making me feel like I was walking through a carnival fun-house of horrors gone wild was THE BOOMING PIPE ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING JOHN PHILLIPS SOUSA’S THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER. And when I say booming, I mean that you would not have heard a word anyone was saying. You would have had to yell HARD to be heard and even then you’d have to be right up on that person’s ear. I had to consciously work hard to resist the urge to clap my hands over my ears.

As we neared the end of the path through this SMALL house, we finally see the delightful source of the madness. A little, bitty old woman dressed in a moo moo and a shower cap was sitting at a huge pipe organ, playing Stars and Stripes Forever over and over again. The music wouldn’t end! My ears were melting off but she just kept playing louder and louder! You know the picollo part of that song? I thought my ear drums were going to shatter when she hit those high notes.
But the whole time, Mr. Smith just smiled adoringly as he watched his crazy little hobbit play on.

After TEN MINUTES she finally stopped. My ears were ringing. She whipped around on the huge organ bench and looked at Ashley and me and you could see her face fall when she yelled out, “Well is it only you two? Where are the cameras?” I guess when she heard we were from a television station she thought she was going to be playing for a big TV audience and she was pretty miffed when she learned it was just the two of us.

And by miffed, I mean inspired to play 20 MORE MINUTES OF THE LOUDEST PIPE ORGAN MUSIC YOU’VE EVER HEARD. Real patriotic stuff, too, like the anthems for the Marines, Air Force, Army and Navy. Ashley and I were mostly paralyzed, and as I was straining to take this all in I took pause to really soak in what I was seeing.

We are talking a lovely, antique Wurlitzer pipe organ that you would see IN A EUROPEAN CATHEDRAL. One of those that has three levels of key boards, hundreds and hundreds of levers and pedals and it curves around, encasing the player almost 180 degrees.

And the pipes. The largest pipes were as big around as a telephone pole, and you could see them go up into the ceiling and beyond, they were so tall. Mr. Smith motioned for me to follow him and he opened a door that led to a room directly behind the organ that housed the rest of the organ pipes. Hundreds and hundreds of organ pipes of all widths and heights. I later learned that they had added this room on to the house to accommodate the organ.

It was the kind of organ I’ve only seen in movies. The kind the Phantom of the Opera would play.

And Mrs. Smith just wouldn’t stop playing. When her husband finally forced her to quit, the humor was really on then. She is a little pistol of a lady and I do believe she’s insane. But not in a sad dementia/Alzheimer’s way. It’s more in an I’m-really-old-and-I’m-going-to-do-whatever-I-want-to-do-and-I-don’t-care-one-lick-bit-what-you-think-about-it kind of way.

She is awesome.

And the most annoying person I’ve ever met.

Because she wouldn’t STOP TALKING!

Here I am trying to get Mr. Smith’s story – Mr. Smith who is so tall and distinguished and well spoken – but I keep getting interrupted by crazy wife who repeatedly stopped me when I was in mid-sentence to tell me a fart joke or to show me some silly little trinket or doo dad she had. Ashley had the brunt of it because she was trying to keep Mrs. Smith occupied and away from me so I could work. Ashley got hit with a full-frontal attack of the crazies, for sure.

At one point, a couple of Mr. Smith’s WWII buddies came over to share their stories with me and that was funny in and of itself, watching these old guys try to duck and run whenever she would come near them. But she wouldn’t be deterred! If Mrs. Smith wanted you to see the faded and worm 1980 newspaper article featuring her and her organ, she was going to follow you through every path winding through the heaps and mountains of paper in the room until you stopped what you were doing and acknowledged her.

It was all hilarious.

Just when Mrs. Smith would get calmed down and I could focus again on the veterans, we would all jump out of our skin because she had snuck back up onto that mutated organ and started to play a little bit of Jingle Bells or Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer for our amusement.

TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER, Ashley finally drags me out, because we were late for our screening event and there was no sign that any of the madness was going to let up on its own accord. As we left, we were serenaded out by the loudest full-on-pipe-organ version of God Bless America you have ever in your life heard.

I LOVE THESE PEOPLE!

Those of you who know me know that I love the characters, and I am proud to add this sweet little lunatic and her distinguished husband into my book of favorites and this experience has certainly made it onto my top-10 list of favorite professional experiences, the first to actually come from Oklahoma.

These pictures won’t do it justice, but here are a few…

I couldn't hear right until the next morning.

Happy Birthday, Mom Jo!

2007-09-16T22:09:00.001-05:00

I'm missing my grandmother, Mom Jo, tonight.

Tomorrow would have been her 95th birthday. In a few weeks, on October 5, it will be one year since she died.

We had a lot of fun together over the years.

But as the sweet hymn goes, I know she's in that bright land where she'll never grow old...

And she's having a great time.

Does My Moral Compass Need a Tune-Up, Or Am I Okay?

2007-09-14T12:52:00.001-05:00

I need your help. Please tell me what to do!

To set the stage, let's just say that I was completely obsessed with the O.J. Simpson trial. Obsessed. I just couldn't believe any of it - from start to finish. And it was the finish that almost did me in. To this day, I cannot believe he was acquitted of those murders.

These many years later, I almost choked on the vomit that rose in my throat when I heard last year that HarperCollins announced the publication of a book in which O.J. Simpson told how he hypothetically would have committed the murders. I just wanted to cry over the audacity of it all.

Then I felt uplifted when, in response to public outrage that Simpson stood to profit from these crimes, HarperCollins canceled the book. Then a Florida bankruptcy court awarded the rights to the Goldmans in August 2007 to partially satisfy the unpaid civil judgment, which has risen, with interest, to over $38 million.

But the only way the Goldman's would see any of these funds would be if they published and sold the book. Which they have done.

So with an appropriate name change - the book is now called I Did It: Confessions of the Killer - and the addition of 14,000+ words from the Goldmans, which explain their belief that O.J. Simpson is the killer walking free among us, the book is now available for purchase.

And therein lies the rub.

I just can't decide whether or not to buy and read the book.

I NEVER would have bought or read the book had it been published as originally planned with Simpson receiving the profits. There would have been no fear of that happening, because I wouldn't have been able to live with myself.

But now that I know the Goldman's are getting the money, much of which they say is going directly to their family foundation set up in Ron Goldman's name, and now that I know the family is positioning this book as a way to slap Simpson in the face and say to the rest of the world that he is a killer, I'm more open to idea of buying and reading it.

I feel fairly comfortable with the idea that the Goldman's are using this book to make their point that Simpson is a murderer. I really don't think they are trying to profit personally from its sale. They aren't going to pocket blood money. Are they? The funds will go to a foundation that will work to make good things happen. Won't they?

That side of me that was obsessed with the trial over 10 years ago would really like to read the book. But the more mature part of me that is so disgusted with the entire debauchery that has become celebrity privilege, fueled by an out-of-control unsatiated hunger for sleaze provided by a media machine that is out of control makes me wonder that if I buy the book, wouldn't I be condoning the ick?

Am I making way too big a deal out of this, or am I right to be concerned?

So I ask you friends, what do you think? Should I buy and read this book?

Somehow I Think the Priest Might Take Issue...

2007-09-05T16:27:00.001-05:00

Direct quote from an email a friend sent me today.

"...We haven’t set a date yet. We have to go to the church to talk to the priest and see what we need to do to get married in the Orthodox church. Tim is actually moving in this week..."

Love it.

Please Tell Thomas Jefferson I'm Not His Scullery Maid

2007-09-03T11:10:00.001-05:00

I spent a few very long days at a professional development conference for Oklahoma educators last week. It was a great forum to discuss with over 3,000 K-12 teachers the virtues of using public television in their classrooms.

My very busy exhibit booth was right next to a booth that promoted historical reenactments - actors portraying historical characters available to come to classrooms to bring history lessons alive, so to speak.

These actors were amazing, too. Not only in their likeness but in their mannerisms and knowledge. But Thomas Jefferson about wore me out.

Thomas Jefferson, in a hushed whisper, turned to me right as he was about to give his demonstration for teachers. There was no one around to hear him, other than me and the Benjamin Franklin character who was chit chatting with me about his love for PBS.

Thomas Jefferson: Excuse me. Excuse me fair woman, would thou fetcheth me a bit of ale?

Me, looking around until I realized he was talking to me: Excuse me?

Thomas Jefferson: A pint of grog perhaps?

Me: Grog?

Benjamin Franklin, rolling his eyes in a hugely exaggerated manner: Oh, here we go.

Thomas Jefferson: Just a drop of something wet to sooth my parched tongue.

Me: Well, okay. I guess so. Even though I'm the only one here at my booth...

Thomas Jefferson: Yes, yes, hurry along now my dear.

Benjamin Franklin: Oh dear Lord...

So I walked CLEAR ACROSS the convention center floor. About 3 football fields in length, to the vendor hospitality room. Of course, all of the bottled water was gone, as was most of the sodas. I grab what they had and hot footed it back.

Thomas Jefferson, clearly perturbed: At last! What took you so long madame?

Me: Well, they were fresh out of Meade at Ye Olde Tavern, so I got you a Diet Coke.

Thomas Jefferson, not at all amused with my attempt to get into the spirit of things: Well, I dost suppose this pig swill will have to suffice.

Me: Thomas, I dost think that you're a real dandy, aren't you?

Benjamin Franklin: Oh honey, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.